The Happiness Project: June (Make Time For Friends)

Gretchen Rubin's goal for the month of June was to improve her happiness as it relates to friendship. My friends are so important to me - the ones I've had forever, the sisters-in-law I married into (plus the one my brother married), my book club gals, friends I've made at work, friends from my community, and friends I've made online - one in particular (you know who you are!)

Not all are subjected to my deepest, darkest secrets (which of course I hold in abundance) but I have some fantastic women in my circles. (Funny I said "women"...aside from some that I work with, I wouldn't say I have many close male friends. Other than my husband. Of course. And my friend's husbands, but I consider them sort of friends-once-removed. And my brother. Okay, there are a few.)

Anyway, with all of my other commitments, sometimes fostering friendships gets pretty low on my list, so I can certainly jump on board with this area of focus.

Gretchen's goals, and my take on them:

Remember birthdays

I think I'm pretty good at this, though I get a bit messed up when we've already celebrated someone's birthday before the actual date, because I think my brain believes the birthday to be over. So I have missed a few for that reason. I even have a list at work of staff members' birthdays that I've compiled over the years, and I try to acknowledge them, even with just a comment, email, or note left on their chalkboard. I have to admit though, that lucky as I am to have a birthday on the summer holidays, I still feel a bit (immaturely) disappointed that these efforts can't be reciprocated the same way. (I know, I know, I said "immaturely".)

While I love the ease of throwing cash or a gift card into an envelope (and love receiving such envelopes) birthdays are a bit different now as an adult, at least within my family and those I exchange gifts with. I would make an attempt to change that but...see parentheses above.

Show up

Just be there. This probably includes showing up at your friend's Stella and Dot jewelry party, but it was such a busy week, and I did shop online! I'm much more likely to "show up" on e-mail, text or phone for people who need me than I am to attend functions, but when people really need me, I try to be there.

Don't gossip

This is a tough one. When I go to confession and struggle to come up with things to say (realizing full well I am as much a sinner as anyone else), "I gossiped" seems to be a good ol' standby.

I consider myself a very trustworthy friend, and I will take to my grave many secrets about marriages, babies, illnesses, and jobs. (No, I'm not going to tell you!) Often I will come right out and ask "are you keeping this a secret?" or "Do you want others to know?" just to be sure, and I'll clarify "When are you telling people?" or "What do you want me to say if someone asks?" so I know I'm on the right track.

At this time of year, my coworkers and I find out our grade assignments and some apply for transfers, leading to much school-based gossip to be told and heard (plus remember, I work in my own community, where my family and friends are also parents) so resisting the urge to gossip can be pretty tough. My goals are to be professional, keep other people's secrets confidential, share my own information carefully, and try to be positive, not mean-spirited when dishing the dirt. (Though "dirt" probably isn't the best choice of words if I'm focusing on being positive...)

Make three new friends

Do you ever feel that you just have enough friends? I don't think I would be very successful this month setting a quota like Gretchen's for myself, but I will try to stay open to the possibility of friendship. I think for me though, putting more time into my existing friendships would be a more productive (and happiness-inducing) goal.

Be generous

One of my favourite passages from scripture advises us to do our good deeds in secret, and not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing, so this isn't a place to list my attempts at generosity, but I can acknowledge that it's an area I keep working on. Gretchen points out that being generous isn't just about giving things. You can "help people think big", "bring people together", "contribute in [your] way", and even "cut people slack" as acts of generosity. Giving the benefit of the doubt can be the most generous thing you do for someone.

I will leave you with a quote, and a question for TV lovers of my generation:

"Some people argue that because doing good deeds brings happiness, no act can be truly altruistic, because when we act for the benefit of others, we please ourselves."

Does this bring to anyone else's mind an episode of Friends? Wow, I miss that show.

Looking forward to July's challenge: "Buy Some Happiness"! Perfect for my birthday and the start of holidays...

In Defense of School Dress Codes

With the warm weather finally here, the idea of dress codes for children seems to have become a hot (no pun intended) topic. Let me be clear that I am not commenting directly on recent events regarding dress codes at other schools, because without having all of the information, I am very hesitant to give my take. I am going to give my opinion on the dress code at my Catholic elementary school.

Here's what went out in our June newsletter:

"As the daily temperature rises to warmer levels, a review of appropriate clothing would seem to be in order. Both boys and girls should be aware that shorts/skirts should be appropriate in length; that tops should be appropriate in design and any written message. Please use this guide when deciding on appropriate dress for the school day:

•  ripped or torn clothing (including cut offs) should not be worn 
• clothing with pictures/slogans/words/logos promoting drugs, alcohol, racism, violence, etc. is not permitted 
• shorts/skirts should approach the knee, (arm to the side should not touch bare skin) 
• all tops should cover to at least the shoulders; halter, tank tops or spaghetti straps are not appropriate.
• midriff/stomach must be covered 
• exposure of undergarments is not permitted"

These rules apply to girls AND boys in every grade. With style as it is, the boys do not tend to push the limits with short length (though it happens), but some do with shirts, the straps of which need to be three fingers wide to be permissible, just like the girls' tops (which takes the issue of visible bra straps right off the table).

Yes, the dress code makes it a bit harder to shop. I have two girls who attend my school, and I get it. Mind you, they are young and still do what they're told (for the most part) when it comes to their wardrobe, and I understand that it's much harder to get your thirteen year old to dress in shorts that "aren't cool". But I also know that we are the parents, and that should mean something. As for price, I'm looking at several pairs of very stylish Old Navy Bermudas for $16 at the moment (online, free shipping coast-to-coast, and no this is not a promotion). If kids absolutely must display their favourite brand-name or logo (again, I'm not at this phase yet), let them have it splashed across a properly-sized t-shirt.

From what I've read, some schools require long pants, which would not be reasonable in our 50 year old building with noticeable lack of air conditioning. But you can't tell me that kids will immediately overheat and combust (even outside) with an extra inch of fabric over their shoulders or their thighs.

Every morning, I stop in front of the mirror and double-check what I'm wearing as well. Not only to set a good example for the kids, but because I think being a teacher does call for a certain level of apparel.

I talked to my class about dress code yesterday, and the reasons for it. God gave us our bodies and they are beautiful top to bottom, but it demonstrates modesty (which just happens to be our School Board's Fruit of the Holy Spirit for the month of June) to have certain areas covered up more than others at school. I told them that when I'm at home or with friends, I wear swimsuits, tank tops, and sometimes shorts or dresses that don't reach the tips of my fingers with my arms at my sides, because they're appropriate in those situations. This is my workplace, and it is also theirs. Many other workplaces have dress code requirements, some even specific uniforms, which they will likely discover when they get their first part-time jobs. Do parents fight that fact that Tim Hortons has the nerve to tell their child what to wear?

And yes, I wear a bra (wow, I'm getting really personal here), as do many girls at our school, and I would venture almost all girls at secondary. Yes, we should be proud of our bodies and not ashamed of supportive female undergarments. But are they appropriate to be displayed in a workplace? Do you often see your bank teller's bra straps, or those of your postal worker, restaurant server (Hooters waitresses excepted), doctor or shopkeeper? (Note that the boys are not allowed to flash us their underwear above saggy waistbands either.)

To me (and all of the staff I spoke with) this is absolutely not about girls distracting the boys (perhaps if other schools were able to provide a better reason than this, it wouldn't have caused such controversy), or an issue of sexualization (though we did have some trouble convincing a parent that her daughter's track pants covered in the Playboy bunny logo weren't appropriate). And believe me, the dress code is not just about the girls. One staff member told the story of an incident (at another school) where a male elementary student was wearing a t-shirt reading "Be gentle. It's my first time." The teacher asked the student, straight-faced, what the shirt meant.

"You know..."
"No, I don't. What does it mean?"
"You know...my first time...like, sex?"
"Right. Go to the washroom and turn it inside out and don't wear it to school again."

On rare occasions, we see slogans relating to alcohol, drugs, or violence of some kind, which are understandably (I hope!) not allowed in our school setting either.

Some parents make a very valid argument that all of these rules shouldn't apply to our littlest students (like it or not, there is a difference between a four year old in short shorts and a 14 year old). However, I would argue that kindergarten is not too soon to begin teaching a sense of modesty, being part of a community, and (not least importantly) following the rules of the institution to which you belong.

As an added bonus, many of our graduates continue on to the local Catholic secondary school, which requires a uniform, so this is particularly good training for them.

As a teacher and a parent of girls, I fully support having rules about children's clothing in place at school. As for enforcing them...that's a whole 'nother blog post.

My Thoughts on "Thrive" by Arianna Huffington

Over the weekend, I devoured Thrive by Arianna Huffington (cofounder, president and editor in chief of the Huffington Post). The book was written after she had a health scare - a broken cheekbone and a gash over her eye - which happened when she took a fall due to exhaustion and lack of sleep.

The point of the book is that our success can't just be measured by money and power, and that we need a third "metric" (like a third leg on a stool) to keep ourselves from toppling over. I figure if a woman in Huffington's position is able to stop and smell the roses, the rest of us could try to give it a shot as well.

I'm certainly fortunate to have well-paying work that I enjoy doing, and autonomy within my work to feel a relative sense of control, but I don't think many public-sector employees judge their success based on money and power. However that doesn't mean that the life components Huffington is promoting (well-being, wisdom and wonder) can't still have a huge impact on our lives and our happiness.

A few things that stood out for me:

• Words to live by regarding stress: "...and whenever I'd complain or was upset about something in my own life, my mother had the same advice: 'Darling, just change the channel. You are in control of the clicker. Don't replay the bad, scary movie.'" 

• And... "The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James. I am really going to try to keep these words of wisdom in mind when dwelling on something, which I admit I tend to do. Even the small, ridiculous things, like that person who unfollowed me on Twitter. Enough. (But was it something I said?)

• Meditation: while I have always found this topic a bit new-agey for me (and the goal of 'clearing my mind' unattainable), Huffington points out that religious rituals, such as praying the rosary, are actually a form of meditation as well. That, I can get on board with. I have to admit that I'm much more likely to fall asleep rosary in hand in times of need, but perhaps making it a more regular part of my daily routine will help to clear my mind and bring my focus where it needs to be.

• "Sleep your way to the top" - my favourite section. But no, it's not like that! Huffington cites overwhelming research which supports what I've always known - how important sleep is for the mind and body. (One researcher believes an hour of sleep helps with weight loss more than an hour of exercise!) In the corporate world, lack of sleep is something to brag about, and Huffington wants to see a shift where we admire those who get their eight hours, instead of lauding the ones who work around the clock. I am not at all a lazy person (okay, except in the kitchen) and I am quite proud of what I manage to accomplish at work and at home with only 16 hours of wake time each day. The last time I hosted book club, I even tacked on a P.S. to the invitation e-mail: "Please remember that I turn back into a pumpkin at midnight." My friends respected that, even though they may think I'm just a little crazy. (Sleep isn't just for grownups, either - Huffington also writes about the importance of sleep for children, and an interesting correlation between ADHD and sleep disorders.)

While I was actually hoping for a bit more "memoir" material in this book, Huffington does share many personal stories, from her childhood to present (as a divorced mother of grown daughters), which I found fascinating. Thrive has definitely reaffirmed many of my beliefs about success, forced me to take a critical look at other values I hold, and inspired me to make a few changes in my life

My Girls' New TOMS

I'm willing to bet that you've heard of TOMS, the company that provides a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair sold (to date, TOMS has given over 10 million pairs of new shoes to children in need in 60 countries around the world), and I was recently given the opportunity to check out their popular product.

I told my girls that a pair of TOMS was on the way for each of them, and when the package arrived, they couldn't wait to tear into it.

As you can see in the photo below, Maggie's school bag had barely landed on the floor by the time she had her shoe box open and was modeling her new footwear! (She also proudly sported them on stage the very next day when she made her Wigs For Kids hair donation!)

Both girls received the Classic Style shoes in "Silver Glitter", which I particularly appreciate because now they have comfy shoes that can also be worn in dressy situations...like below, when we were en route to see The Lion King, and needed to walk from Union Station up to the Princess of Wales Theatre.

Glitter on the GO Train!

Other kids' styles for 2014:

As if the stylish shoes weren't enough, the girls bugged me for days to let them have their boxes, showing photos of some lucky TOMS recipients around the world, their shoe bags/flags and their stickers. Luckily, they're used to their mom being a blogger, and have come to accept "NO! I haven't written the post yet!" for an answer.

TOMS kids shoes are available in Tiny sizes (for children 0 to 5 years of age) and Youth sizes (for children 5+ years of age) at www.TOMS.ca and retailers across Canada. Since shoes are something you need to buy for your kids anyway, why not support a company that's making a difference at the same time, and provide a pair of shoes for a child in need?

Final note: perhaps Dad would be interested in something from TOMS for Father's Day? A few options can be found below!

Disclosure: My girls were each provided with a pair of TOMS shoes for review purposes. Opinions are, as always, my own.

Perfect Parties Theme Eight: The Science Party!

My friend Krista is back with a brand-new party idea, perfect for the little scientist in your house - male or female! She did this one for her younger daughter's 7th birthday.

There were a few stations set up outside as the kids arrived, such as quicksand, magnets/electricity, specimens in jars, and magic goo.


When the "scientists" entered the basement "lab", their names were typed into the computer and their eyes "scanned" with a glowstick as they placed their hand on the hand scanner (the computer would say “Scientist Frannie, you have been approved to enter the Lab!”)


Each kid received a lab coat (a white t-shirt cut in half), name tag, safety goggles and lab duotang.

Here are some photos of the lab setup:

There were approximately 10 experiments, and while Krista warns that there was a lot of prep work, it was also a lot of fun for the kids...and educational too! (Have I mentioned she's a fellow teacher?)

• bubbling lava lamps
• floating m and m’s
• elephants toothpaste
• dissecting a worm (gummy worm with tweezers)
• exploding Ivory soap in microwave
• diffusion of food colouring in test tubes
• dancing colours (milk, food colouring and dish soap)
• making snow (Steve Spangler kit)
• big finish: outside on the lawn - egg drop (Newton's law) and of course the diet coke and mentos eruption, which was a huge favourite

No party of Krista's would be complete without some themed food. In this case, the cake was made in the shape of a beaker...

...and one of the drink options was 7-Up with Pop Rocks poured on top...which the kids loved! 

To finish things off, the little scientists left with with a loot bag (shown below, containing a book about Science, grow your own Crystal kit, pop rocks, silly straw, and a grow animal), to continue the fun and learning at home. 

Krista credits the blog "Come Together Kids" for a lot of her inspiration for this party, which you can check out at: http://www.cometogetherkids.com/2012/02/super-science-birthday-party.html

Thanks for another fun and creative party theme, Krista! If you missed them, you can catch up on all of Krista's ideas (plus a couple of mine - I'm not totally useless as a party-planner) at the link below.

Perfect Party Roundup (polkadots, pajamas, rock stars, butterflies...you'll find tons of themes here!)

Stay tuned...another "amazing" (hint, hint) party theme coming soon!

Hair Donation Day - The Exciting Recap!

It finally happened! Yesterday was our Wigs For Kids assembly at school, where 8 brave young girls (and one secretly apprehensive teacher) cut off 10" ponytails to be donated to make wigs for children in need!

We kicked off our initiative back in the fall, to give kids a chance to get growing...and they sure did! Out of less than 90 girls in our school, 8 rose to the challenge and made the commitment, while several others were willing, but their hair length didn't make the cut. So to speak. But they're lined up for next year!

Here is the "before" of Maggie, Mommy and Frannie, the morning of the big event:

At 1:00 pm, our entire school gathered to watch the kids make their generous donation.(A special mention to our fantastic student emcees and DJ, who read profiles of each student and kept the assembly hopping with great tunes.)

Of course, I made an after-school appointment at a real salon, where the girls and I had our new "dos" perfected. While I think Frannie and Maggie both look absolutely adorable (and believe me, it took the hairdressers a fair bit of work to patch up the hack job I did to them on stage!) I'm still not quite sure about my short hair. I've never had it this short in my life (maybe Grade 1?) and the hairdresser actually needed a RAZOR to trim up the back, which freaked me out just a little bit. I'll readily admit that I desperately needed a cut, as my locks were getting very straggly, but I'm more a mid-length kinda gal.

And yes, these photos were taken at a restaurant, which one of my friends immediately remarked on when I texted them to her. Did you really think I would cook after such a big day?

This whole experience really has sparked a sense of empathy, not only in the girls, but in me as well. The night before the event, I was staring at Maggie on the couch thinking "Oh, she looks so pretty with her long hair..." when a little voice in my brain quickly countered with "So you're sad that your healthy child is going to have a bob? Can you imagine if her hair was gone entirely, because of some sort of medical condition?"

Then this morning, waking up, one of my first thoughts was "I don't like my hair short...", immediately followed by "Poor you, would you like it better if it were all falling out, because of your CHEMO?" My perspective returned pretty quickly.

I wanted to put together a little surprise for all eight girls who participated in our Wigs For Kids program, and when I put the call out to my friends in the PR world, several were quick to jump on board in support with donations for a gift bag.

The kids received the following, thanks to our generous donors:

A gift card for McDonald's Canada, with some Ronald McDonald House stickers and tattoos for several of our classes:

Attractions tickets ($30 worth) for Sportsland at Santa's Village, which offers Go-Karts, Mini-Putt, Batting Challenge, Laser Tag, Arcade, and the new Bungee Trampoline and Rock Climbing Wall.

Hair products from Splat, including Hair Chalks, Hair Extension Clips (which my girls already have in their hair!) and Washable Hair Colour, to have some fun with their new styles:

Visible Lip Health Overnight Renewal Therapy from Polysporin (thanks ApexPR):

A big thank you to these kind companies, and to the 8 young girls for their amazing donations. The hair is all being sent to the Wigs For Kids program at Continental Hair in Toronto, to be made into wigs for children with medical-related hair loss, and I want to give them a shout-out for their work as well.

And to you, my readers, I really appreciate all of your support too! Your emails and social media engagement with this event have meant a great deal to me and my daughters!

Mommy and Her Girl on First Communion

I'm rarely wordless, but after a wonderfully full weekend this is all I have for you today:

Have a fantastic week, everyone!

P.S. Frannie was quite tickled that her First Communion photo drew one of the largest ever number of "Likes" on This Mom Loves' Facebook page, as well as many comments. Thanks for that!

The Happiness Project: May (P.S. If Tim's makes you happy, read this!)

In her book "The Happiness Project", author Gretchen Rubin spent May focused on "Be Serious About Play: Leisure", which was another interesting topic for me, after I tried to "Lighten Up" last month!

Her goals:

• Find more fun
• Take time to be silly
• Go off the path
• Start a collection

Okay, these ones are going to be tough!

Finding more fun: 

Yes, I should definitely make time for fun. But I also don't think that I need to conform to what other people consider fun to be. Believe it or not, I am usually having "fun" when together with small groups of friends, family, or coworkers although I'm usually not drinking alcohol. Seriously. I may not be dancing on the table or doing shots off...well, I won't tell that story...but you don't need to worry if I'm having fun, because I am. 

To me, organized sports are not fun. Watching them isn't much better, unless it's the Habs and especially if it's playoffs. Watching my own offspring pick daisies in the soccer field is no more or less painful than seeing professionals in action. 

Gretchen writes that for her, something fun would pass the following test: "I looked forward to it; I found it energizing, not draining; and I didn't feel guilty about it later."

"Fun" for me is leisure time (movies, hot baths, restaurant dinners, reading great books and magazines) as well as celebrity-related pursuits: going behind the scenes at TV shows, attending to the Toronto International Film Festival, etc. "Fun" is helping my daughters organize their toys; it is NOT playing with said daughters and toys. Organizing pretty much anything is actually fun for me, as I have shared in my Twitter bio.

While I am confident in the things I like to do for "Kate fun", I also need to remember that others may define fun differently, and sometimes to contribute to their happiness, I need to get outside my comfort zone: attend a large social function with strangers, participate in something athletic, or (the horror) spend time outside when it's less than 25 degrees Celsius. 

Take time to be silly:

I'm not sure that anyone in real life has ever referred to me as "silly". Perhaps in the context of "you're worrying too much about that, don't be silly", but definitely not in the goofy, entertaining kind of way. OH! But I do a great Irish accent, which I pull out at St. Patrick's Day when reading themed books to my children at home and at school. Does that count? Okay, I'll work on it.

Go off the path:

I am willing to venture off the path when it comes to learning/trying new things related to my career(s), but there are many areas where I am stuck in a rut. Meals, for example, since I'm such a picky eater. Music too - pop and country are my standbys. I branch out in terms of authors, but stick closely to suspense, chick lit and nonfiction (self-help style and celeb bios). These are all areas where I can expand my horizons, and I'm sure it would be good for me...but would it lead to more happiness? I suppose I could discover something new that I never thought I would love...but I could also feel pressure to trudge through a book I don't like, or music I don't enjoy. As far as the food preferences go...I may have some very interesting and exciting news to share on that front in the future, but I'll leave you hanging for now.

Start a collection:

Do shoes count?

When I was young, I love to cut out clippings of my favourite stars and keep albums, but these days I don't think I could handle the overwhelming availability of information and products. Because of the web, you could never possibly have every photo or clipping about someone (not that my interests still lie in that sort of collection) but I wouldn't want to start amassing items that can be found in abundance on eBay. There's no thrill of the hunt and excitement in the find. Maybe I should collect something a little more rare...diamonds perhaps?

I'm too much of a clutterphobe to collect anything knickknacky, and I'm not very sentimental about objects at all, but I see Rubin's point that a collection "provides a mission,  a reason to visit new places, the excitement of the chase, a field of expertise (no matter how trivial), and, often, a bond with other people."

My question for you today, dear readers, is: what do you collect? Do you get happiness from your collection? Okay, fine, that's two questions, but they're not long. I'd love to read your answers, and just for "fun", I'll choose one commenter to win a $10 gift card for Tim Horton's! Share your "collection" by May 16th for your chance to win, and make sure you leave a way for me to contact you!