The Happiness Project: June (Make Time For Friends)

Gretchen Rubin's goal for the month of June was to improve her happiness as it relates to friendship. My friends are so important to me - the ones I've had forever, the sisters-in-law I married into (plus the one my brother married), my book club gals, friends I've made at work, friends from my community, and friends I've made online - one in particular (you know who you are!)

Not all are subjected to my deepest, darkest secrets (which of course I hold in abundance) but I have some fantastic women in my circles. (Funny I said "women"...aside from some that I work with, I wouldn't say I have many close male friends. Other than my husband. Of course. And my friend's husbands, but I consider them sort of friends-once-removed. And my brother. Okay, there are a few.)

Anyway, with all of my other commitments, sometimes fostering friendships gets pretty low on my list, so I can certainly jump on board with this area of focus.

Gretchen's goals, and my take on them:

Remember birthdays

I think I'm pretty good at this, though I get a bit messed up when we've already celebrated someone's birthday before the actual date, because I think my brain believes the birthday to be over. So I have missed a few for that reason. I even have a list at work of staff members' birthdays that I've compiled over the years, and I try to acknowledge them, even with just a comment, email, or note left on their chalkboard. I have to admit though, that lucky as I am to have a birthday on the summer holidays, I still feel a bit (immaturely) disappointed that these efforts can't be reciprocated the same way. (I know, I know, I said "immaturely".)

While I love the ease of throwing cash or a gift card into an envelope (and love receiving such envelopes) birthdays are a bit different now as an adult, at least within my family and those I exchange gifts with. I would make an attempt to change that but...see parentheses above.

Show up

Just be there. This probably includes showing up at your friend's Stella and Dot jewelry party, but it was such a busy week, and I did shop online! I'm much more likely to "show up" on e-mail, text or phone for people who need me than I am to attend functions, but when people really need me, I try to be there.

Don't gossip

This is a tough one. When I go to confession and struggle to come up with things to say (realizing full well I am as much a sinner as anyone else), "I gossiped" seems to be a good ol' standby.

I consider myself a very trustworthy friend, and I will take to my grave many secrets about marriages, babies, illnesses, and jobs. (No, I'm not going to tell you!) Often I will come right out and ask "are you keeping this a secret?" or "Do you want others to know?" just to be sure, and I'll clarify "When are you telling people?" or "What do you want me to say if someone asks?" so I know I'm on the right track.

At this time of year, my coworkers and I find out our grade assignments and some apply for transfers, leading to much school-based gossip to be told and heard (plus remember, I work in my own community, where my family and friends are also parents) so resisting the urge to gossip can be pretty tough. My goals are to be professional, keep other people's secrets confidential, share my own information carefully, and try to be positive, not mean-spirited when dishing the dirt. (Though "dirt" probably isn't the best choice of words if I'm focusing on being positive...)

Make three new friends

Do you ever feel that you just have enough friends? I don't think I would be very successful this month setting a quota like Gretchen's for myself, but I will try to stay open to the possibility of friendship. I think for me though, putting more time into my existing friendships would be a more productive (and happiness-inducing) goal.

Be generous

One of my favourite passages from scripture advises us to do our good deeds in secret, and not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing, so this isn't a place to list my attempts at generosity, but I can acknowledge that it's an area I keep working on. Gretchen points out that being generous isn't just about giving things. You can "help people think big", "bring people together", "contribute in [your] way", and even "cut people slack" as acts of generosity. Giving the benefit of the doubt can be the most generous thing you do for someone.

I will leave you with a quote, and a question for TV lovers of my generation:

"Some people argue that because doing good deeds brings happiness, no act can be truly altruistic, because when we act for the benefit of others, we please ourselves."

Does this bring to anyone else's mind an episode of Friends? Wow, I miss that show.

Looking forward to July's challenge: "Buy Some Happiness"! Perfect for my birthday and the start of holidays...

About Time...Alarm Clock Time

We have reached a milestone phase in our family.

I have officially changed the time of my weekday alarm clock.

When I first went back to work after my mat leave with Maggie, almost five years ago, it was necessary for my alarm to go off at 6:00 a.m. I would enjoy one lazy snooze, reflecting on the previous day and all that was ahead for the current one, and hop out of bed at 6:09.

Maggie hadn't even celebrated her first birthday at that point, and Frannie was three. One needed a diaper change, both needed help getting dressed and fed, and at that point we were packing their milk and snacks for daycare. My goal was to get myself completely ready before even waking them up, so we could all be out the door on time.

Fast forward to recent days. I hit snooze at 6:00. Then again at 6:10. (My new alarm clock does 10 minute snoozes instead of nine, in case you caught that.) Then again at 6:20. Only after listening to the 6:30 news, (and waiting to see if by any chance it's another snow day), do I hit the shower.

This is my clock. This time just happens to be when I took the picture.

For months now, my husband has been asking me why I don't just reset my alarm. The thing is, every night I would go to bed with the intention of getting up at 6:10, but when it came time to either hit "snooze" or "off", I would remember that the day before we had been ready on time, even with an extra snooze. Which turned into one more. And one more.

Let me tell you, it is a huge change in your life when your children are independent enough to use the washroom, get dressed and make their beds every morning. While I still make (by which I mean pour or toast) their breakfast, they can eat independently...with forks and spoons! They even put their dishes in the dishwasher, and the lunches they packed the night before in their school bags. I do their hair (always put up, due to my lice paranoia. Though it shouldn't be called paranoia if it's justified, right?) and they brush their teeth, put on their own winter gear, get into the vehicle and buckle themselves in. Can you imagine how much mommy time is saved with all of that independence? I try to eat my "breakfast" (muffin/oatmeal bar) while they're eating, but then I'm off to get myself ready for work.

Since my husband is in the routine of doing the morning dropoff, I usually stay home for an extra five or ten minutes to unload the dishwasher or fold a load of laundry, if something is ready from the night before. (If it was ready before bed, it would have been done then. Because I have a problem.)

So a few days ago, I officially changed my alarm clock time to 6:20. I still enjoy one luxurious snooze, and roll out of bed, so much more refreshed after that extra 20 minutes of sleep! (Hey, if I believe it, that's all that matters.)

There are many who warn that parenting keeps getting harder as the kids get older, but I'd like to share that some aspects of parenting do get easier. Independence is a wonderful thing.

Look What I Found: The Public Speaking Edition

When going through old souvenirs, I came across my certificates from Royal Canadian Legion speaking competitions. While it seemed like a big deal at the time, I think I only ever made it as far as one step past our local Legion, which is a far cry from the provincial championships my niece and nephew have both earned in the past few years!

What were my award-winning topics, you may (not) be wondering?

Grade 4: Penpals

Grade 5: Gum

Grade 6: Glasses

Grade 7: Soap Operas

Grade 8: Anorexia

And yes, you do see the name "Katie" on there, which is what I was called until high school, when I shortened it. My real name is Kathleen, and my parents called me Katie as a child, thinking I could switch to Kathleen when I was older, but it was too hard a transition. One year, mom registered me for soccer with my full name, and teammates kept yelling "Kathleen! Your ball!" as I looked around the field wondering who was supposed to be going for it. At least that's my story.

At the school where I teach (and my daughters attend), it has been a longstanding tradition for students to present speeches (called "storytelling" in the primary grades) as early as Grade 1. Parents help kids to prepare and practise their material at home, which they deliver to the class for an Oral Communication mark. Winners proceed to a school level-competition, and those champs move on to the local Legion.

Last year, in Grade 1, Frannie's first ever speech was all about her teeth adventures (beginning at 19 months of age when she fell and knocked the two front ones out!) She earned a silver medal at school (competing against three of her cousins in the same division), and third place at the Legion competition.

Sharing Teeth Adventures, 2013

This year, she chose to speak about rules (her opening was "Rule Number One For Kids: Your parents are always right. Rule Number Two: if your parents are wrong, go back to Rule Number One!") She was selected to go to the gym, where she placed third, moving on to the Legion where she brought home another bronze medal.

Frannie is lucky, because she loves to perform in public (she's been singing and dancing on stage since she was three), and she is a strong reader who can memorize easily. This year, we also noticed a huge difference in her ability to take feedback and make improvements to her presentation, which was great to see (yes, she has a bit of her mother in her. Okay, a lot.) She may be lacking a little in competitive drive, but I'm not going to consider that a fault. From what we see (and I'll gladly admit that parents don't always see it all) she seems to be a good sport, congratulating winners and being happy for the speaking accomplishments of her family and friends.

The ability to speak in front of a crowd is a wonderful skill to have, though for some students giving a speech, even just in front of their peers, can be both scary and stressful. As teachers, we're still trying to decide whether making classroom speeches optional might be a route to take in the future.

Best of luck to two of my nephews and one niece who are moving on to the next step in 2014 competitions!

The Happiness Project: March

This year I'm following along with one of my favourite books, Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project", to find ways to make life even better - not just for me, but those around me who benefit from my happiness!

Gretchen's goals for March were based on the theme of "Aim Higher: Work", and were:

• Launch a blog
• Enjoy the fun of failure
• Ask for help
• Work smart
• Enjoy now

As a productivity junkie (I get high from crossing things off my list) work is very important to me. I have two paying jobs (teaching and writing) and there's also the whole running-a-household hobby that so many of us putter at, meaning there's always work to be done. On a writing-related note, I love this quote from Rubin: "I love writing, reading, research, note taking, analysis and criticism. (Well, I don't actually love writing, but then practically no writer ever loves the writing part.)" 

Launch a blog: Check! I just celebrated my fourth blogiversary, and I do think that my blog has contributed to my work (in both official areas) and to my own sense of accomplishment, and therefore general happiness. Blogging has given me so many amazing opportunities, not only to share my experiences and opinions with an audience, but also to work with brands, travel, and have tons of behind-the-scenes opportunities...and the Momterviews alone are worth all of the work that has gone into This Mom Loves. What I need to remember (which also relates to "Enjoy now") is that it's more important for me and my girls to have fun in the moment, and not worry so much about commemorating the occasion for my blog or corresponding Twitter/Facebook feeds. I have been guilty of pushing a photo op until the moment has passed and the fun is over! 

Enjoy the fun of failure: This one isn't easy, but having spent several years pitching magazines - often unsuccessfully, if success is defined as landing the assignment - I can now deal with rejection and learn from it. Not sure if I'm at the "enjoy the fun of it" phase...but maybe that will come! Being less afraid of failing has helped me to take more risks - especially since I usually have the safety of my laptop to hide behind - to the point that sometimes I'm more scared of what will happen if the answer is "yes" than if it's "no"!

Ask for help: I have never been afraid to do this at school, and I'd like to think that I'm the kind of coworker that others find "helpful". Cheesy as it may sound, I really do believe that we all win when we work as a team. I've been very lucky though that my husband is in the same profession as I am. Perhaps we spend a bit too much time talking about work, but I think it has helped us to bond by sharing our experiences. In the writing world, I know there are people I can turn to for advice, and I never hesitate to help another writer who has a question or needs a hand. Plus there's my amazing friend Sarah from Sleeping Is For Losers (Twitter @sarahnewk), whom I just met for the first time in real life, but who is always one of the first people with whom I share my blogging and writing news - and who is also quick to support me when I face a freelancing setback or disappointment (she's not telling...I don't think!)

Work smart: Why, oh why, do some people like to do things at the last minute? I have never in my life pulled a work-related all-nighter. High school, university, first year teaching...I have always prioritized my sleep (and relaxing in the evenings in front of the television!) and I pride myself on getting things done early. I'm a pretty efficient person (when hubby wants to get things done, his mantra is "Be a Kate! Be a Kate!") but that definitely means that I'm also a bit of a serious person, which some might see as a little bit boring. I'm okay with the fact that no one ever has, or ever will, refer to me as "a party girl".

Enjoy now: This one needs more work for sure. I'm very happy with my life right now (I don't suffer from the "everything will be better when...." syndrome) but since I always want to be ahead with what needs to be done tomorrow, I know I don't do enough rose-smelling. Definitely something to focus on this month...and March Break should certainly help with that. Is anyone else out there so done with winter???

Do any of these work-related happiness goals resonate with you? What are you going to focus on this month?

To catch up:

The Happiness Project: January
The Happiness Project: February

My First Official Photo Shoot: The Big Reveal

Last Sunday I attended a neat little party called "Headshots and Happy Hour".

Hosted by the lovely Alex (@clippo, I Don't Blog), it was an opportunity for a handful of bloggers to get together and have new headshots taken by the very talented Cherie-Lynn Buchanan (@clbuchanan, CL Buchanan Photography).

As each of us waited for our turn in front of the camera, Alex's husband served warm, homemade cinnamon buns and fancy-looking lattes (I'm not a coffee girl, but they sure looked good!) and we had a chance to get to know each other. (I think I'm the only one who hadn't met anyone in the group...so aren't you proud of me for actually agreeing to attend? This is big, people.)

While I wasn't thrilled about having my picture taken, the highlight of my day was finally meeting my best-writer-friend, Sarah (@SarahNewk, Sleeping Is For Losers) for the first time in real life! She has been an amazing professional support as we both navigate the freelance writing/media world, and you wouldn't believe how much you can go through with someone without ever seeing them face-to-face!

Cherie-Lynn had a very warm and complimentary manner - very important when trying to get women to relax and pose for photos - and only needed a few minutes with each of us to get the job done.

Within days she provided us with a very handy online process for checking our proofs and making selections. Our package allows three different poses, in both black and white, and it took me a while (and a few other opinions) to make my selections. I think I have a healthy attitude about my appearance in general, and I don't obsess over how I look in day-to-day candid shots with friends and family, but for some reason I have high expectations for how I will look in official, individual photos like these. I can always find something to critique, but I'm making an effort not to be so hard on myself. (The other ladies' shots were AMAZING, by the way. They're lovely women to start with, but Cherie-Lynn really brings out the best in her subjects.)

You will soon be seeing some or all of these pics popping up on the blog, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, my front lawn, etc., but here's a sneak peek:

Which one should I start using first? Do you prefer the colour or the black and white? I am well aware that I am the only one who cares about this, but humour me here, would you?

The Happiness Project: February

{You can find the first edition of this series here: The Happiness Project: January}

I regret that I must start February by saying that my book club did not like this one (written by Gretchen Rubin). I'm totally okay with that, as we all have different tastes, and I'm still glad I made them read it. I am a bit surprised though that I was in such a minority when it came to how much I adored it!

Since I actually made my pals discuss it at our book club meeting (evenings have been known to go by without mention of that month's title), I learned the following:

One friend thought the whole idea of the project was a bit self-centred. I disagree, because I firmly believe that when you can find happiness (with no cost to anyone else) those around you really do reap the benefits.

Another mentioned that the author seems like she's already perfect, and trying to be more perfect. I wondered what that said about me, when I feel like the Gretchen and I are kindred spirits? (And believe me, I'm not perfect, nor do I hold any illusions that I am, ever will be, or even need to be.)

Still another said that the whole premise was ridiculous because no one has the time to do a project like this. To be fair, I'm assuming she got a book deal ahead of time, and therefore had some income (either an advance or the promise of money to come) to get her through the year. And the whole "project" (i.e. work) aspect of it isn't what interests me the most. I have no desire to put my goals on spreadsheets and track my progress. For me, the concepts are a little bit more broad and fluid - goals to keep in mind as I go through the month (and year), while holding down my own jobs.

February's goals, for Gretchen, stemmed from the seasonal theme "Remember Love - Marriage":

• Quit nagging
• Don't expect praise or appreciation
• Fight right
• No dumping
• Give proofs of love

My first goal is to respect my hubby's wishes that I don't discuss him on the blog, so I'll be brief with my twists on these ideas.

One of my favourite pieces of relationship advice comes from Dr. Phil, and I remind myself of it often: "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?" You have to let some things go.

I also need to internalize a reflection the author made in this chapter, related to nagging: "I reminded myself that tasks didn't need to be done according to my schedule". That one's a toughie for me.

When it comes to "proofs of love", I am a firm believer in the deposit/withdrawal theory. You need to make as many love deposits in your relationships as you possibly can, so that when you need to make a withdrawal - large or small, and believe me, I've been there - you're never in a state of overdraft. This doesn't just go for marriage, but with other family members, friends and colleagues. I even think of it with my students and their parents, too.

This month, I encourage you to join me in giving proofs of love as much as you can: go out of your way to do the favour, show affection, give the compliment, make the gesture, and express gratitude. How can you go wrong?

I would love to know if any of you have read the book, and if so, what you thought of it. (I honestly don't mind if you disagree with me...I didn't write it!)

Look What I Found: The Miscellaneous Edition

For your amusement: more goodies that have been dug out of basement storage!

Photos of the first two weddings I was in  - the first as flower girl for my mom's cousin Lisa in 1981, and the second as bridesmaid for my Aunt Sue in 1991. I vividly remember the minister putting a quarter on the floor right where I was supposed to stand as a flower girl - and I even got to keep it! For my aunt's wedding ten years later, there were a few tears when hairdresser insisted on doing my bangs in that whole top-curled-back, bottom-curled-under way...which even as a 14 year old I knew was going out of style. So I went home and fixed them, and all was good!

The next wedding I was in was my own, followed by my sister-in-law's in 2002, and my brother's in 2006.

Most recently were the back-to-back wedding parties in 2008. First I was matron of honour for my cousin Kerry when Maggie was 15 days old, and then bridesmaid for friend Allison one week later. Talk about crazy dress fittings...and I really should be including those photos here, as I filled out a dress like I never have before and never will again! 

My next sentimental discovery was this "guest book" page from my 5th birthday party in 1982, which I had plaqued many years ago as a keepsake. I love how all of my grandparents signed their names, and while it's such a silly little thing, looking at it makes me feel like they're all with me, even though three of them have since passed away.

Last but not least...does anyone want to know where I was on February 19th, 1995? No one? Because I could tell you, since I have every day planner I've used for the last 18 years! I thought with my new BlackBerry I just might be convinced to start using the electronic calendar, but there's still just something about planning things on paper that appeals to me. Good thing I have my 2014 Kate Spade calendar all ready to go! Happy New Year, everyone!

The Happiness Project: January

I love nonfiction, and Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project" is one of my all-time faves. It recounts her year-long journey to become happier, with month-by-month goals, and every time I read it, I feel like I'm visiting with a friend.

I chose this book for our book club's next selection, and have threatened my fellow members that I won't even set a date for our meeting until they have all actually read the book! (Because *occasionally* it happens that everyone hasn't read the book. Which usually isn't a big deal, because *occasionally* we actually discuss the selected title.)

This book isn't a quick-fix, and not meant for those dealing with serious issues like clinical depression, but instead it's the story of one woman's journey to get even happier. And while some may see that as a selfish or trivial goal, I know that my happiness has a direct impact on that of my husband and children, not to mention my coworkers and the students in my class. The author also makes it clear that it's not reasonable to expect blissful happiness 24/7, but just think: if you can take yourself from 50% of the time to 75% of the time, imagine the difference that could make in your life.

While I've read the book several times, I thought this year I'd try to follow along with the monthly goals, and see how my journey compares, and how I can gain more happiness in my life, not just for my own sake, but for the benefit of the others in my life as well.

January: Boost Energy (Vitality)

Gretchen's goals were:

• Get to sleep earlier. This is certainly one I don't have to worry about, as it has been a huge priority for my entire adult life to get my sleep. On work nights, I'm in bed between 9 and 10 and the alarm goes off at 6, which seems to work for me. On weekends, I adjust accordingly. I fully believe that getting sleep has a huge impact on mood, productivity and overall health so it's a very worthwhile goal.
• Exercise better. Again, I find this plays a role in my stress level, and I attribute some of the calm I experienced this past fall with the fact that I was getting on the treadmill regularly. For me, that means 30 means of  brisk walking, 4 or 5 times per week. Since weight loss isn't a goal for me, this meets my needs. Plus, I'm able to watch TV, read magazines or even use my treadmill desk to do a bit of web-surfing while I walk. While that might seem counter-intuitive for stress reduction, there are nights when I wouldn't be getting on the treadmill at all without the opportunity to respond to emails or edit an article at the same time.
• Toss, restore, organize. Amen! Gretchen needed a lot more help with this than I do. I swear, I get a high from organizing and getting rid of things. My house is pretty much as pared-down as it can be (considering that I don't throw out any of my daughter's belongings without their permission. Ish.) In this chapter, Gretchen writes of the joy that comes from an empty shelf, and I find the same feeling from having an empty drawer in my dresser or vanity. So much promise, and definitive proof that that I don't have too much stuff.

See:

• Tackle a nagging task: for Gretchen, this included getting a light fixed and going for a skin-cancer check. For me, it was getting the bedroom carpets cleaned on the holidays. I've been hesitant to go anything with the girls' rooms, as I couldn't decide whether to upgrade to hardwood or wait a few years, and then we wanted to get them blackout blinds and I thought we should wait until we redecorate to make sure everything goes together...so nothing was getting done. Committing to cleaning the carpets and living with them for a few more years is a start. I think for the girls' spring birthdays we'll let them select new bedding and paint colours, and they'll be all set to sleep in with new blinds by summertime!
• Act more energetic. Huh? Well, it's true...sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. And I don't want to be that annoying person complaining every day about how tired I am. (Again: if you're dealing with a medical issue and have chronic fatigue, I'm not talking about you.) There's a big difference between "my child threw up six times last night so I haven't slept" (which definitely gets my sympathy) and "I'm so tired!" repeated on an hourly loop, on a daily basis. Get to bed! 

Something Gretchen didn't include that I want to try is drinking more water. I've read that dehydration can cause you to feel sluggish, and I usually just drink at mealtimes. I'm going to make more of an effort to get that H20 into my body. How can it hurt? (There's a staff washroom right around the corner from my classroom and the teacher next door doesn't mind covering for me, so I'm good there.) I'm also trying to remember to take my multivitamin every single night. Lord knows I need it, as my diet lacks several important vitamins.

What resolutions can you make this month to help restore your energy, and boost your happiness?

Happy 80th Birthday, Grandma!

Today is a very special day in our family, as my beloved maternal Grandma turns 80!

Last week we threw her a garden party luncheon (my Aunt Jane has a gorgeous backyard, perfect for the occasion) and Frannie and Maggie provided some singing and dancing entertainment for the guests.

Just to give you a glimpse of what my Grandma means to me, I'm sharing below a "love letter" I wrote her before Valentine's Day this year, as a model for my students. (Remember, this was meant to be at a Grade 3/4 reading level...I'd like to think my usual writing is a touch more sophisticated!)

**********

Dear Grandma,

Do you know how much I love you? Since Valentine’s Day is coming soon I wanted to let you know how special you are to me.

When I was a kid, you always came to see me in plays and I knew how proud you were of me. Now you come and watch my daughters when they are performing, and it makes them happy too!

You are very helpful, always doing my sewing and mending for me...and never telling me that I should just learn to do it myself!

I love your cooking and baking, and I bet you can guess what my favourite is...that’s right, your chocolate pie!

I think you are so smart, and you know so much about politics. You are open to learning new things too, since you are figuring out an iPad and e-mail at 79 years of age!

Plus, we have so much in common, like our love of family, magazines and shopping!

Thanks for being such a wonderful Grandma! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love,
Kate

*****************

Happy 80th, Grandma! Here's to many, many more!

The Real Deal About Shining: Guest Post from Vasavi Kumar

Today I welcome Vasavi Kumar, a certified life coach with dual master's degrees in social work and special education, as my special guest blogger. (She's also co-author of the bestselling book Succeeding in Spite of Everything.)

I love Vasavi's topic about shining, because it connects to one of my favourite Gospel passages, which incidentally I just heard at a funeral this week:

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly father." Matthew 5: 13 - 16.

Here are Vasavi's thoughts. I hope her words encourage you to get your light out from under that bushel and shine today.

****************

The Real Deal About Shining: Don't Let Haters Keep You From Being Your Best

Listen. There are haters everywhere. And by haters, I’m referring to people who get jealous of your success, do not want to see you rise, and who are intimidated by your greatness.

The truth is, your greatness is a constant reminder of what they are not doing in their lives. You can either shrink and crawl into your dark hole when you are amidst jealous folks, or you can stand in your power and keep shining on.

It can be scary at first to shine 100 percent despite what people are saying or thinking about you (which by the way you have absolutely no control over). But I promise you this: you standing strong in all of your awesomeness will create a space for others to do the same in THEIR lives.

Three things to remember:
1. Not everyone will like you or be happy for you. This took a long time for me to understand. As someone that just wants love and affection (as we all do), I never quite understood why some people didn’t dig me, or want to be my friend. I now get it. And I also know that it’s neither my job nor my soul purpose to get everyone to love me. All I can do is BE the love — wherever I go and with whomever I meet.

2. Don’t brag about your success. There is a huge difference between acknowledging your accomplishments and being humble versus rattling off a list of all your accomplishments every time someone asks you, “Hey how are you doing?” Be proud of the work that you have put in. Be proud of honoring and cherishing your gifts to make a difference in the world. And, remember that you are still awesome in spite of it.

3. Keep on keepin’ on. No matter who or what crosses your path, positive or negative, your only job is to keep it moving. Remember you have a purpose here on this planet. And, if you're going to let haters, evil eyes, jealousy, and all the baggage that comes along with people feeling inferior or insecure stop you, then you need to reconnect with why you are here, who you know yourself to be, and keep it moving.

You are loved. You always have been. Cherish the people who support, love, and honor you. And never forget just how amazing you are.

———————————————————————————————————————

About the Author: Licensed master social worker Vasavi Kumar coaches people to "get past their past" to take charge of their future. A certified life coach, she holds dual master's degrees in social work and special education. Vasavi is co-author of the best-selling book Succeeding in Spite of Everything and appears regularly on Kansas City Live as the "Keepin' It Real Guru" answering viewers' life questions. Learn more at http://VasaviKumar.com.

Look What I Found: My Acting Career Edition

(This is the continuation of a series where I sort through old stuff, and you - lucky, lucky you! - get to see what I have found. I do such good work here, don't I?)

As a child, my answer to the "What do you want to be when you grow up question?" was "Actress, writer and teacher"...in no particular order.

Clearly, I was leaning towards "actress" when I posed for this fake magazine cover at Canada's Wonderland one summer. I can't really explain the business-woman-slash-scarecrow look...though maybe a screenwriter wants to jump all over that idea? Futuristic stuff is so overdone; really we need to go to back to the farm for good material.

When I was younger, I participated in a lot of Drama camps, and when a local professional theatre was looking for a couple of child actors to share a role (Gloria in "Wait Until Dark", in case you're dying to know exactly what the part was), one of my Drama teachers called my parents to suggest I try out.

I don't remember many of the audition details, but I do recall that we did a lot of improv, which to this day I would swear I am terrible at, though being almost ten and a strong reader with a great memory probably helped tip the scales. Give me a script and I can do whatever you want, but I certainly can't imagine shining while making things up on the spot. (Though it's possible that I overestimate my self-consciousness, forgetting that it has increased over time, and my current level does not necessarily reflect where I was 25 years ago.)

Whatever it was, I got the part (along with fellow child "actor" Leslie Wood), and it was an amazing summer. We also costarred with several professional actors, including Gabrielle Rose, whom you may recognize from her work in television and film. (When I made my Confirmation the next year, I actually chose "Gabrielle" as my Confirmation name.)

 Going through my souvenirs brought back a lot of memories:

Call sheet

Script (with blocking notes) and program

(Yep, that's me, Katie Leahy. If you zoom in, you can see that they referred to me as "an avid athlete". Come back when you're done laughing at that PR spin.)

Leslie and I were even interviewed for the local news, and of course I pulled out that video and watched it (before handing it over to my kind Uncle Dave to transfer it from VHS to DVD). I lost touch with Leslie soon after that (she now lives out West) but coincidentally enough ran into her just this past Christmas at...you'd never guess...a local theatre production!

Fast forward to Grade 11, when I landed the coveted part of Marie Fontbonne, sister to Sister Jeanne Fontbonne (that double 'sister' is intentional; they were both nuns), founder of the Sisters Of St. Joseph. Since the director was also writing the script, and still revising as rehearsals began,  I actually do recall some successful improv there. I vividly remember spontaneously blessing myself during one scene (I think we had been imprisoned in France for refusing to sign the Oath of Civil Constitution of the Clergy...and come to think of it, that's a really underutilized theme in Hollywood as well), and the director commented "Nice. Very nice. Leave that in." See what power we have as teachers when I can remember that moment like it was yesterday?

I had both of the posters framed for posterity, though they have never been on display. However, I have been looking for something new for the living room...I certainly hope my daughters don't throw them out someday with no concern for their sentimental value. I would so totally never do that to them.

While I more or less managed to find a remedy for the acting bug (still no cure for teaching or writing), there's still a part of me that would love to be on screen, in some capacity, and I did actually go out on a limb (waaaay out on a limb) and make an attempt recently (remember, the yellow dress?)...which is a story I still plan to share with you in the future. 

Blissdom Canada 2012: An Introvert Goes To A Conference

Many people attend Blissdom for the famous Costumes and Karaoke party.

I attended in spite of it.

When Blissdom was taking place last Fall, I followed the Twitter stream and read the blog posts, feeling like I had really missed out on a great opportunity to make connections and learn more about the art and business of blogging. So as soon as registration opened for Blissdom 2012, I jumped all over it.

But then I started getting nervous. While I'm certainly comfortable socializing with "my people" (family, staff, close friends) I'm not so confident with strangers. I started worrying about the Costume party, the meet-and-greets, the meals and round table sessions where speaking to others is kind of essential. Would everyone else know each other? Was I crazy to sign up?

Then I had an epiphany. I was paying for this conference, so I should get exactly what I wanted out of it. I vowed that I would push my limits enough to feel like I had "grown", but not put myself in any situations which would stress me out. And that's exactly what I did.

I know many gals had a great time at Friday night's Road Rally, but I got a good night's sleep at home, ready to head into the big city the next morning.

My fears began to dissipate during the welcome message, when it was made clear that "Everyone is welcome here. No cliquiness, none of that. Not allowed."

Saturday's microsessions were the part I was looking forward to the most. Picture a ballroom with 500 women (and a few men), 41 round tables, each one with a session leader and a specific topic, and did I mention the sessions were first-come, first served? That part was a little crazy, and I know many ladies strategized where they would eat breakfast in order to be at or close to the first table they wanted!

Here's what I took away from my sessions:

Bookkeeping for Canadian Bloggers (Brian Kent-Baas)

• Yes, products, gift cards, etc. received through the blog are considered income
• But:, the expenses a blogger can write off are vast: a percentage of home expenses, such as heat, hydro, property taxes, etc.; a percentage of business travel and meals; products and services that have been purchased and then reviewed on the blog; the list goes on

Creating the Perfect Pitch (Jen Reynolds, Editor-in-Chief of Canadian Family magazine)

• I was excited just to be sitting at the same table as Jen, and of course I said little and just took it all in
• She made a great point about how the magazine's website looks for "evergreen" article topics, but the print issue doesn't want "evergreen", they want things that are more timely. I know that with such a long lead time (pitches coming in now should be geared to Spring topics) it's not like you can cover breaking news, but the subjects still need to feel fresh
• Most articles in her magazine are 650 words, and are seen by many sets of eyes before print
• She receives 50-60 pitches per day, and can't possibly respond to them all

How To Price and Value Your Services (Rebecca Brown)

• I'm beyond working for free, so this topic was of particular interest to me
• Rebecca's handout was full of gems like "Pricing is both an art and a science", and some case study information which showed me what another site with the same traffic as mine should charge for ad space and sponsored posts.
• She also suggested contacting small, local businesses when selling ad space

Sessions which I didn't get to, but would have loved to check out: "Media Training" (with Alison Burke of Impressions PR), and "How To Establish Yourself as an Expert" (with food maven Theresa Albert. Clearly our areas of expertise are very different.)

The afternoon featured several guest speakers, such as:

Jian Ghomeshi: broadcast host, musician, writer and producer

• The best tidbit I took away from Jian (who shared hilarious excerpts from his memoir, 1982): He said that when he started doing interviews, he had to decide whether he was going to follow in the style of Larry King (the "everyman" who doesn't prepare in advance for his conversations) or Barbara Walters (who prepares meticulously, reading the books, watching the movies and conducting extensive research on her subjects). I liked hearing about this, as I consider myself an "interviewer" as well (with over a dozen celebrity Momterviews to my credit) and I, like Jian, have chosen the Barbara Walters approach. I agree with him that the other person is going to open up more and take things to another level when they know that you've come prepared.

Susan Cain: author of "Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking"

• My mom raved about this book when it first came out, and I'm excited to see this focus on introverts (I'm especially interested in how it relates to education - as we continue to force our littlest introverts to do more and more group work and 'collaborative learning')
• Though she didn't delve too deeply into this point during her presentation, Susan's bio in the conference program also mentioned "the phenomenon of the social media extrovert but real life introvert, and what it means to be both personality types when we engage both online and in real life." I am WAY different online than in person. I can't even imagine how many fewer opportunities I would have had through the blog if they had required cold calls or visits instead of risk-taking emails (which are far easier for me).

The next big highlight was Sunday morning, when Blissdom attendees participated in various excursions, which were selected through another first-come, first-served process, this time online (thanks to my cousin Kerry for handling my registration, since I was on a field trip with my students at the moment of sign-up!)

My destination?

Behind the Scenes Television Excursion on the set of The Marilyn Denis Show

Hosted by Maureen Dennis and Alison Burke, with special guests Michelle Crespi, Executive Producer of the show, and Steve Ladurantaye, Media reporter for The Globe and Mail, this was a jam-packed two hours full of tips for pitching to a wide range of media.

Being on the set wasn't new to me, as in 2011 I went behind-the-scenes at the show and even sat down for an interview with Marilyn, but this was an entirely different experience.

• Michelle pointed out that for The Marilyn Denis Show, she's looking for "unique things that girlfriends share with each other", and that you don't need the word "Pitch" in your subject. Just go straight to the headline.
• We even had the opportunity to work in a group to present a pitch and a segment and receive feedback from the panel. Very valuable! Thanks to these four for giving up their Sunday mornings to educate us.

When the session ended, it was back in the car and homeward bound...but my mind was absolutely spinning, and still is. You should see the lists that have come out of this!

I know other Blissdom attendees may say that I missed out by skipping some of the conference events, but if it was all a required package deal, I probably wouldn't have gone at all...and would really have missed out on so much!

The point I want to make is that Blissdom can be great for everyone, if you make it what you want it to be. I'm already looking ahead to Blissdom 2013!

BIC Prize Pack (Worth $75) Up For Grabs: Make It "Write" In 2012!

Giveaway open to Canadians.

Yes, yes, we all love technology, but there are times that only a handwritten message will do. Family members were making fun of me just recently for still using an old-fashioned date book (how can you go wrong looking at gorgeous images of New York City every day?) but I'm just not ready to make that leap. I also still do lesson plans and most notes to parents with good old paper and pen, despite the fact that using the computer may seem more convenient.

They may be a little biased, but BIC wants to remind us all that there's nothing more personal than handwritten notes...and 2012 can be the year for you to stay better connected with family and friends.

“The simple act of handwriting is more than the sum of its words; it’s extremely personal and very powerful,” says Michael Salfi, Brand Manager, Stationery, BIC Inc. “Even in this digital age, leading research reveals that handwriting information enhances retention better than typing on a keyboard. The process of putting our personal pledges in writing helps retain the ideas more firmly in our minds, leading to greater recall, ownership and dedication throughout the year.”

Get a fresh start to the New Year with BIC’s Top Ten Tips to help make 2012 better than ever!

1. Rewrite your New Year’s Resolutions by hand. This personal touch will motivate and give ownership to your commitment. How are those going by the way?

2. Reduce emails and connect with family and friends by sending them handwritten notes and birthday cards throughout the year.

3. Create a handwritten “Bucket List” to keep track of all the exciting stuff you want to accomplish in life!

4. Handwrite a letter together as a family, describing where you hope to be in five years. It’s a great keepsake to look back at your children’s handwriting and how it has progressed.

5. Encourage parents and grandparents to handwrite their children/grandchildren’s favourite story in a journal as a keepsake for when the children get older.

6. Include a handwritten note in your husband’s suitcase before a business trip and your child’s lunchbox or overnight bag for their first sleepover.

7. Why wait until Valentine’s Day? Write a love note to your loved one – a personal way to show how much you care.

8. Stay connected during family vacations and send postcards to loved ones so they know you were thinking of them and sharing your vacation memories.

9. Start a diary or journal to record memorable occasions. Try and write daily about little anecdotes about your day.

10. Keep a pen and pad of paper by your bed at night. Write down any ideas you have through the night so you can clear your mind and have restful, worry-free sleep.

Just to help you out, BIC is offering one lucky This Mom Loves reader a goody pack of assorted BIC stationery products valued at $75!
 
 

 
All you have to do to enter is fill out the form below and click submit! Extra entries for subscribing to This Mom Loves through e-mail, GFC, Twitter or follow me (Kate Winn) on Pinterest (NEW!) See sidebar buttons to sign up for any and all.
 
The contest will run until February 16th at 11:59 p.m., after which time a winner will be chosen through random number generation.
 
Good luck, and get writing!

They Searched What????

So, every once in a while I take a look at the stats for This Mom Loves (I use Google Analytics) just to see how much traffic I'm getting, how visitors are directed to my site, and where (geographically) they're coming from. It's also fascinating to examine the search terms that web surfers have used to end up at This Mom Loves. I have to say, some of them must have come away very disappointed.

Many people are searching for mom blogs, or searching me out by my name, but many others land here because they've Googled (or Binged, or whatever search engine they happen to be using) the topic of one of my posts. The readers looking for "why not to paint a room red", "Regis and Kelly show", or "executive functioning in kids" hopefully took something away from my experiences.

There are some funny misspellings, like "compar tracter joan dear" (and I don't actually recall ever discussing John Deere tractors here anyway, so I don't know how that one landed on This Mom Loves!) "Tucked old moms" is one that I just don't understand, nor do I get "gemes enteras". I even searched it myself to find out of it meant something, but to no avail! "Circus school" made me scratch my head for a moment, until I remembered that Marci Ien shared a pic of her daughter with that label.

Speaking of Marci (and YES, for all of you avid "Marci Ien pregnant" Googlers of late, she is indeed expecting her second child in September), a ton of traffic comes from web users looking for info on my Momterview subjects (to date, in addition to Marci: Laurie Gelman, Caroline Connell, Hayley Wickenheiser, Debbie Travis, Jessica Holmes, Tracy Moore, Sarah Richardson and Gail Vaz Oxlade). The readers wanting to find out more about their families and careers were hopefully satisfied. The surfers looking for any one of these lovely women in conjunction with the following search terms were likely not as happy: "topless", "in spandex", "lips", "bikini", "barefoot", "cleavage" and several more that are not fit to print. (And I'm not going to tell you which terms were searched for which celeb!)

"Mom loves (blank)" is another very popular search variation. And yes, "mom loves her daughters", and "mom loves saving money" are certainly relevant to this site. "Mom loves to party" might be questionable, depending on the context.  However, I absolutely refuse to tell you what some of the other terms are (especially since I don't want to attract more searchers!) and while I will not confirm or deny being partial to any of them, some are more of an "EWWW!" and certainly not topics for discussion here on my blog!!!

Oh, and P.S.:  My apologies to the poor soul who was looking for "mommy sewing blogs" and landed up here. Google Search must have a cruel sense of humour!

You Can't Choose Your Family...

I never had a sister growing up, but now I have seven...the beauty of in-laws!

I have many wonderful friends: a special cousin, a few fabulous university friends, my book club, and some very close colleagues. My daily go-to-girls, however, are my husband's three sisters and my brother's wife.

Once you have kids, it is so hard to maintain your friendships. Without email, I honestly don't think I would have ever been able to keep in touch with some of the terrific women who mean so much to me, just because we really don't have the time.

Family, however, is a bit easier. There's always a birthday party, religious holiday or local function to attend, and my sisters-in-law are there. Plus, with nine kids in the family, my husband and his siblings were raised to be very family oriented: they were each other's playmates and learned to stick together, which I think has helped them develop the relationships they still share today. We all have young kids, so convesation is easy, especially since two of his sisters are fellow teachers, and one provides daycare for Frannie and Maggie ---there's always lots to talk about. Living in the same community also means there's no lack of gossip either! (Not that we do that. Much.)

When I married my husband, I inherited his three sisters (as well as three of his brother's wives, who are also fantastic, but unfortunately live out of town). Then when my brother got married, another "sister" was added to my life...lucky for me! I am in contact with all of these in-laws on an almost-daily basis, whether through email, (mostly) brief phone chats, or picking-up-the-kids-at-daycare discussions. A couple of times a year, I go away with my husband's sisters (the trips usually focus on shopping, food and movies) and when I have a girls'-night-out, you can bet it's with them.

On my side of the family, my brother's wife has been a constant supporter of my freelance writing and blogging, and has taught me many lessons about bargain shopping and cooking. (I'm not saying I cook more, but I know more about how to!)

As for the Pandora bead in the photo? That was my birthday present from two of these special women...and the perfect visual to represent this post. My sisters-in-law have been an absolute gift for this sisterless gal, and I truly do thank God for putting them in my life.

Our First Family Portrait: By Jennifer King Photography

Getting great family shots can be difficult when there are kids involved (I share some tips and tricks in my article "The Perfect Portrait") but Jennifer King of JKP Photography somehow managed to bring out the best in us.

Although Frannie is already four and a half, this was the first time we've ever had a professional family portrait taken! We've gone to the chain studios for shots of the girls, both together and separately, but never a picture of all four of us.

If you're in the Peterborough/City of Kawartha Lakes area, you should definitely check Jennifer out. She was so terrific with the kids (which could be because she has four of her own) and patiently allowed them to make silly faces and to help take some photos, and she even took a couple of pics with their toys just to keep them happy!

Maggie wasn't too sure at first!

My 'teaser' shots arrived by email just a couple of days later, and the CD with all of the images, many edited, arrived after a couple of weeks. Jennifer signs away the rights so that purchasers can print whichever photos they choose, which is wonderful, since I never use the 10 x 13 that comes with a studio package, and I always seem to need more 5 x 7's.

I'll even save one of these shots for Christmas, eliminating the need for another (stressful) shoot. (Just so you know, I'm the only one who made it stressful. Hubby had to remind me, as I ran around the house attempting to perfect myself, our girls, and our property for the session, that we can always get more pictures. Of course he was right, not that I let him know that in the moment.)

The total cost of our photo session? $90 plus tax, and the cost of whatever prints we make (which will be done inexpensively at the Loblaw's Photolab!) Our package was the Autumn Colours Special, which was kind of ironic since we have very few autumn colours on our property, and the day was so incredibly windy that most of the best shots came when we moved things inside).

JKP also does beautiful maternity, newborn and wedding portraits, samples of which are available on her website.

My next problem? Where to put the pictures! The downside to an open concept house with lots of windows is the noticeable lack of wall space. I may have to confront my clutter phobia and get some matching frames to arrange on our living room half wall. Although that space will be taken up by the Christmas garland in just a couple of weeks. Believe me, I thank the Lord every night that something like this is my idea of a 'problem'.

What Are Your 5 Words?

If you could eavesdrop on someone talking about you, what adjectives would you hope to hear used? I've seen this asked before as a "what would you want on your tombstone/in your obituary" kind of question, but I'm talking right here, right now, how would you like to be described? How do you deserve to be described?

I've picked five descriptors which have value to me, and which I hope I've earned. As you read mine, try to think about yours!

Smart - I might as well profit from being a nerdy teacher's pet for most of my life! I think I have people pretty well fooled into believing that this adjective suits me, although I may throw a few misspellings into this post just so someone can correct me.

Classy -Most of the time, I try to be classy in the way I dress, speak, and behave. I did swear on the last day of school, and a colleague remarked that he had gone 194 days without ever hearing me curse, so I think that's pretty damn good.

Talented - At what? Doesn't matter, but everyone should be known for being good at something. Teaching, writing, editing, organizing, parenting (?),...I'd like to think I have some specialities. (Notice I'm least confident about the most important one?)

Hard-working - I feel very confident that this one applies, and that others would see it too. I work hard at school, and just as hard at home. I'm rarely lazy, but I'm not a busywork person; I also pride myself on being efficient.

Lovely - I like this one because it could refer to personality as much as appearance, and therefore doesn't necessarily make me seem shallow.  But honestly, I would love to hear from you if you are a woman who does not care about her appearance, because people like you are few and far between. I've never been "hot" or "stunning", and I think I detoured past "gorgeous" somewhere between glasses/acne/braces and fine lines/cellulite. "Pretty" seems too surface...as well as a little too young. (However, if my husband knows what's good for him, he would vote for all of the above!) I think I might be able to get away with "lovely".

Now, what didn't make my list?

Funny and/or fun. I have my moments, but these words wouldn't be used frequently to describe me.

Sporty and/or athletic. I'm fit, but athletics, especially competitive sports, are not my area of expertise.

Easy-going. I have actually relaxed a bit over time (new acquaintances may wonder how I could possibly have been any worse before!) but I'm pretty sure that no one on earth has ever said "That Kate Winn! She's such a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of gal!"

Now it's your turn. What are your five words? Or even just one? Do any of my choices have little value for you? Leave a comment and let me know. As for my fellow bloggers, maybe this would make for an interesting topic for you to write about. If you do, leave your link below so we can all check it out!

Spring Closet Makeovers

Guess what I did on Victoria Day? Organized closets! Fun, eh?

It all started when we realized that we were running out of room in our kitchen. The food cupboards were packed to overflowing, and you had to be careful when opening a door that you weren't hit in the head with a falling bag of cookies or box of cereal. So I decided to repurpose some of our laundry room closet as a pantry.

Fortunately, we had an empty front hall closet which could be used for coat storage. Usually, we enter the house directly through the laundry room, so we've never needed to keep anything at the front door. Our guests are usually amazed when we offer to hang their jackets!

Anyway, this is what the front hall closet looked like before I started: (Is it just me, or is there something absolutely breathtaking about empty closet space? The cleanliness, the potential? No? Okay, just me then.)

I transferred over all of our coats, as well as the storage unit I use for scarves, mitts, hats, etc. There's still room for some pretty baskets on the shelf when I find I need more storage again.

This is what it looks like now: 

Now, here is the embarrassing laundry/mudroom closet before I began: (honestly, it is very hard for me to admit that I have had a space in my home that looks this disorganized...even though I always thought everything was in its place...)

Obviously once the coats and storage container were out, I had lots of room to work with. I also realized I was keeping some things handy "just in case" (e.g camcorder box), which could be relocated to basement storage. The skating bag was also hidden away until next winter, although the swimming bag remains. Bicycle helmets moved to the garage, to be closer to the bikes, of course. Next, I headed to Canadian Tire and picked up a couple of Black and Decker storage units which I assembled and stacked together to form a makeshift pantry. I then transferred canned and boxed goods out of the kitchen to their new home, leaving some breathing room in the kitchen cabinets. I'm thinking a couple of hooks would work perfectly on the remaining wall space within the closet, to hang swimming/skating bags, the girls backpacks, etc. Otherwise, we'll just save the room for each of us to keep our most-worn winter jacket handy, as it will be a pain always going to the front hall closet.

Come on, admit it: you can't possibily have enjoyed your holiday as much as I did! :-)