"Walk in Their Shows": Bond With Kids Over What They're Watching

Not long ago, I had promised Eva that I would take her to see a movie at the theatre on a day that Liv was going to visit a friend. When I woke up that Sunday morning, what I really wanted to do was spend the day at home, however I didn't want to bail on my promise. So I gave her the choice:

"Do you want to go see the movie, or should we choose something on Netflix and cuddle on the couch together?" (Yes, the use of "cuddle" was pretty sneaky...she loves her snuggles and you can't do that the same in the movie theatre!)

Her response? "Let's stay home! We can pick whatever we want to watch, and it saves a lot of money too!" (Smart, right?)

One of the best things about that afternoon was being able to talk to her about what we were watching, and even pause the movie to answer her questions and ask some of my own. (She chose Maleficent, by the way.) Some questions were technical (about special effects or movie-making tidbits), or about plot points, but we also had some great discussions about the characters and their choices.

The girls are really into Heartland right now, and while my husband teases them, "I don't see any nine or eleven-year-olds on this show!", they counter that it was recommended to them by their Great Grandma, and therefore must be appropriate. It is, but many of the storylines are adult-based, and also lead to good conversations about relationships (how do you decide when you want to marry someone?), finance (why you can't just buy a farm on a whim), and responsibility (lots of that required when working with horses and other livestock).

While I can't always focus for long on children's shows (let's just say Lego Friends is another favourite in the house), and if I'm being completely honest, sometimes I'm planning a lesson or blog post in my head while nodding along to the episode retells my children excitedly offer me, I also try my hardest to remember this famous quote:

As my kids are getting older, I'm actually finding that we can watch more programs together that we enjoy, but it's even valuable to watch the same shows - at different times - to spark discussions later.

As Netflix tells us:

"You may not always understand your teen or tween. In fact, 70% of parents worldwide wish they had more to talk about with them. A recent Netflix study reveals a new place where you can find common ground: Entertainment. Canadian parents (82%) are already watching teen shows to feel closer to them and teens around the world (74%) are on board, saying they’d be interested in talking to parents about the shows they watch. With the majority (89%) of Canadian parents agreeing entertainment would give them something to talk about, let Netflix be the common ground and try taking a walk in your kid's shows."

P.S. An unrelated Netflix note - as this one is not for the kids - but Season 5 of House of Cards hits Netflix May 30th!

Disclosure: I am part of the Netflix Stream Team, and receive perks for my participation.

My Favourite Mother's Day Gift

Oh, I love my spa days, flowers, chocolates and jewelry. I especially appreciate the restaurant meals, so please keep those coming, honey. But after 11 years of being a mom, if I had to choose my favourite Mother's Day gift ever, it would be this.

The supplies were purchased at Michael's, but many of these items could even be picked up at a dollar store, so the cost is certainly not prohibitive.

The project definitely did require some time. My husband sat the girls down one afternoon when I was out and got them to decorate the box, and then the really personal part began: he asked them to tell him all of the things they loved about me. Liv was five at the time, and Eva almost three, and six years later their answers still bring tears to my eyes. (Plus it's cute to see what their printing looked like at that age.)

I'm so glad to have proof of that one! 

The sentiment has changed over time.

"Brighten" is putting it politely. My father used to always

tell me to put my eyes back in my head...

If you can't read five-year-old, this one says,

 "I love when you read in funny voices"

Even at age three her passion was evident!

As the queen of decluttering, there aren't a lot of things that I keep - especially indefinitely - but my special little box of love will be with me 'til the end.

This Mother's Day gift is not only great for moms: there are many grandmas, aunts, godmothers and stepmothers who would appreciate the personal touch as well.

Are You a Good Receiver?

We know how important it is to be a giver, but what about the importance of being a good receiver?

Recently, my daughter went on a school skiing trip, and spent the day with her friend and her friend's dad. I had promised to give her a bit of cash to buy a treat, and of course in the morning bustle I completely forgot. When the time came and she was empty-handed her friend's dad kindly bought her a Kit Kat. She had the social graces to promise to pay him back, and of course he responded that it was his treat.

When she came home and told me, I was immediately embarrassed, and decided I should round up a toonie right away, maybe write a note to go with it...and then I stopped. It was a Kit Kat. How fortunate that Olivia had someone to get a treat for her, and how kind of that gentleman to do it. If he said it was his treat, why not let him treat her? (It's not like he had to pay for her lift ticket.)

With the "supermom" complexes out there, sometimes I think we all insist on being the givers, and try to pay people back right away when they've done something for us. The problem with always keeping the scorebooks even is that no one ever gets to experience the glow of giving. Someone had your child for a playdate? Invite their child back as soon as possible! A coworker covered for you when you had an appointment? Insist that she leave early the very next day!

Some moms (I personally find this is rare with dads) also enjoy polishing that martyr halo. Why would you host a potluck if you can claim the bragging rights for slaving over a hot stove all day long? Why let your parents watch the baby so you can have a date night, when you want to be able to tell everyone that you've never ever left the baby with anyone else? (That comment never impresses me, by the way, but certainly does arouse pity.)

I think we also receive better from some givers than others. I'm almost 40 years old (and extremely independent, by the way), yet still very willing to let my parents do things for me. Mom makes us batches of frozen dinners and proofreads my articles, Dad runs errands and does handyman jobs we don't have time for. I'm much less likely to want favours from my boss however, because I feel it's more important to look competent to her than to my parents. (They're stuck with me!)

It can also be much easier to receive when something is given anonymously. Someone at work (I'm pretty sure I know who, but I won't reveal her identity) has been leaving little typewritten notes and edible treats for staff members. When it was my turn, it gave me a little glow (and a small sugar rush) and I didn't have to worry about who to thank or pay back. I like to give anonymously for that same reason.

Liv has been taking sewing lessons (free of charge) from my generous aunt, along with another girl her age. We wanted to get my aunt a gift at the end of the last session, and as the girl's mother and I were deciding on a gift card amount, she wisely noted, "If we give too much, her charitable spirit may feel too well compensated." I thought that was such an interesting point. If she is "paid in full", she may easily lose some of the good feeling that she gets from giving her time to help these two little girls pursue a hobby. That said, of course we wanted to thank her for her efforts, but it's not always tit-for-tat. (The girls actually prepared a beautiful song to sing for her on the last night, which also provided a nice personal touch.)

On PsychCentral, John Amodeo argues that there are 5 reasons that receiving is harder than giving:

1. It's a defense against intimacy
2. You let go of control (there's much more control in giving than receiving)
3. There's a fear of strings attached
4. We believe it's selfish to receive
5. There's a self-imposed pressure to reciprocate

You can read the article for further explanations, but I think a few of these hold true for me, as does his point, "Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin of intimacy." If you're always the receiver in a relationship, maybe you need to smarten up. But if you're always the giver, don't think of that as a point of pride. Have you ever been called "hard to buy for"? I'm betting a lot of poor receivers fit that bill (though there are many reasons that choosing a gift for someone can be challenging).

Receiving a compliment can even be difficult: do you immediately deny, deflect or turn to reciprocation? Sometimes it's only good manners to reciprocate: "You did well on your presentation!", "Thanks, so did you!", but there are many more individual compliments that can be taken at face value and accepted. "I love those shoes!" "Thanks!"

I want to make sure that I'm clear: I don't for a minute think you shouldn't thank someone, pay back loans, or make good on any promised reciprocation, but I think it's important to remember that putting good out into the world doesn't always mean that you're going to get it back from the same person you gave it to. Next time I'm with someone else's child, and they've forgotten money for a treat, I will be sure to buy them a Kit Kat, and continue to pay it forward.

To end with a quote:

"Receiving is often harder than giving. Giving is very important: giving insight, giving hope, giving courage, giving advice, giving support, giving money, and most of all giving ourselves. Without giving there is no brotherhood or sisterhood.

But receiving is just as important, because by receiving we reveal to givers that they have gifts to offer. When we say, 'Thank you, you gave me hope; thank you, you gave me a reason to live; thank you, you allow me to realize my dream,' we make givers aware of their unique and precious gifts. Sometimes it is only in the eyes of the receivers that givers discover their gifts."

Henri J.M. Nouwen

Inspire Kids to Give Back and Make a Difference

For her public speech this year, Olivia decided to talk about ways that kids can give back. She's hoping you will show it to your children (and/or students) to inspire them as well! Please feel free to share!

5 Tips To Start Your Child Reading

You know I love a good guest post, and as a parent and kindergarten teacher I thought this topic, from these two authors, was very appropriate!

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5 Tips to Start Your Child Reading

By Michelle MacRoy-Higgins, PhD, and Carlyn Kolker

As children approach their school years, parent begin to wonder how their child is going to learn to read. When will that golden moment happen? But did you know that your child is soaking up the basics of reading long before he or she begins any formal reading instruction? That means that you have lots of opportunities to introduce early literacy skills and instill a love of reading in your child even before she trots off to full-time elementary school. 

In Time to Talk: What You Need to Know About Your Child’s Speech and Language Development, parents learn about fostering oral communication skills in toddlers and pre-schoolers that can help lead to better literacy skills when their child learns to read. A good way to start introducing those early reading skills is simply by talking to your child about the written and spoken words all around you.

Like many parenting activities, you'll see the most success if you have some tricks up your sleeve: If you want your little reader to become interested in words and letters, you may have to work your magic on the sly. Think of these tricks as the reading equivalent of sneaking vegetables into your child's pasta sauce.

Use these child-friendly tips to encourage early literacy once your youngster reaches age 3 or 4:

1. Pick a "word of the day" with your child. Talk about that word a lot, and point it out in written language. Choose a short, simple word -- preferably something that occurs or appears a lot in your everyday life, like "mom" or "dad," "dog" or "cat," "car" or "bike," and "sun" or "moon." Talk about the first letter of that word. Say that sound a lot. Talk about how many letters the word has. Write the word down for your child, find a the word in a book, and look for all the occurrences you can find of the word.

2. Create rhyming words with your word of the day. Rhyming is a great way to familiarize your child with the different sounds that words and syllables make. (Cat rhymes with hat, bat, mat...) If your child helps you find words that rhyme with your word of the day, you'll be practicing early literacy skills. You can make this silly and fun -- and, of course, your child may never know he's actually learning something along the way.

3. Cook and read the recipes with your child. Most recipes, whether on a cake-mix box or in a book or online, use pictures with the text to show the steps involved. That means your child can start to figure out how the pictures help represent the words, and can often report to you how the steps should go -- something along the lines of, "Crack the egg in the bowl now, Mama."

4. Read signs with your child. Point out Stop signs and explain what they tell drivers to do. Ask your child to find Stop signs when you're out driving. Exit signs on highways are another common sign that he can look out for. Spell the words on the sign whenever he finds them.

5. Talk about the first letter of your child's name. Find words that start with that letter. If your daughter's names starts with a "C," point out words that also start with the letter -- "cars," "cats," "cookies," and so on. If your son's first name starts with a "Z," he'll know he's special when you visit the "zoo" and find the "zebra." Talking about the first letter of childrens' names always captures their attention. Ask them to look for the letter everywhere they go.

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Dr. Michelle MacRoy-Higgins and Carlyn Kolker are co-authors of the new book, Time to Talk: What You Need to Know About Your Child's Speech and Language Development (Amacom 2017). Dr. MacRoy-Higgins is an associate professor in the Department of Speech-Language Pathology and Audiology at Hunter College in New York City. She has a BS and MS in speech-language pathology and a Ph.D. in speech-language-hearing sciences. She has her Certificate of Clinical Competence (CCC) from the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA), is licensed in New York State as a speech-language pathologist, and has worked as a classroom teacher. Dr. Michelle has evaluated and worked with hundreds of children ages 6 months to 10 years with their speech and language issues. Carlyn Kolker is a freelance writer and former reporter for Bloomberg News and Reuters. Learn more atwww.timetotalkbook.com or on Twitter at @time2talkbook.

Girl Power, Netflix Style

Studies have shown that girls as young as six are influenced by gender stereotypes, and that role models from the entertainment they choose can have a lasting effect. On this note, and in honour of International Women's Day earlier this month, I'm sharing my girls' (and my) Netflix choices for favourite role-model female characters.

First, my eight-year-old daughter Eva's choices:

• McKeyla McAlister from Project MC2, because she's a spy who works for a secret organization trying to save the world, and she always puts her friends and family first. 
• Amy Fleming from Heartland, because she works with horses and got in an accident saving one, and she has never given up working with them even though it's dangerous.
• DJ Fuller from Fuller House, because she's not afraid to try new things and she's taking care of her kids after her husband died.

Next up: 11-year-old Olivia:

• DJ Tanner from Full House, because she goes through a lot of hardships but she always perseveres and teaches lessons to the kids who are watching.
• The twins from The Parent Trap, because they're clever and tricky and willing to do anything to get their parents back together and make their family happy.
• Annabeth Chase from Percy Jackson because she is courageous and faces danger to help accomplish good things in the world.

As an adult, I'm always looking for stereotypes on screen, and and asking myself questions about choices made in terms of characters and casting.

When tons of Facebook followers recommended that I watch Suits on Netflix, I immediately noticed that the two main characters were white men (excellent actors in well-written characters) but was also pleased to see that women, and actors of other colours, were also represented and well-developed. (P.S. March Break has given me the opportunity to *almost* get caught up on Suits.)

Embed from Getty Images

I also have come to love Carrie Mathison of Homeland (played by Claire Danes) - a very strong character, though well-rounded with her own vulnerabilities (it's okay - actually ideal - to show authentic female vulnerability on screen, as long as the ladies aren't all, or always, damsels in distress!)

Who are your kids' (or your) favourite strong female characters on Netflix? Let me know!

Disclosure: I am provided with perks as a member of the Netflix Stream Team. Opinions are, as always, my own.

My Latest Segment on The Social: The Mid-Year Check-In!

It's the halfway mark of the school year, and I was back at The Social to share information about report cards and parent/teacher interviews.

This time my mom was my date - and I think she really enjoyed a behind-the-scenes look at how the show operates.

Thanks to Le Chateau for again hooking me up with a gorgeous outfit (yes, that's a dress, and yes, those are pockets!) as well as the shoes, earrings and bracelets. Hair is by Andrea Zarlenga and makeup by Stephanie Cruz (who, coincidentally, was headed to a parent/teacher interview for her child that very afternoon!)

This time I was chatting with Cynthia Loyst and Marci Ien, and as always, the hosts were warm, supportive and positive - even those who weren't in the segment (Lainey was very kind afterwards, and Jess told me it was my best segment yet. Which she has said before, so either she's just always super kind or I keep improving!)

Video of the segment can be found below. I say this every time, but please know how much I appreciate the support I receive from you, whether in person, through email/text or over social media. It never gets old!

Meanwhile, On Kate's Instagram...

While I still love to delve into topics here on the blog, I also do a lot of "microblogging" on social media. I have the most followers on Twitter, but I'm finding almost zero interaction there lately (is it just me?) so I post a lot to Facebook and Instagram, where my followers seem much more supportive and "like-happy".

I realized, though, that readers who aren't on Instagram are missing out on some of my meaningful moments, so I thought I'd provide some highlights here - just from posts I've shared so far in 2017.

I microblog about...

Decor and Organization

Art idea: a framed family recipe This one is my late Grandma Leahy's, in her handwriting, with a sheet of scrapbook paper for a mat in a dollar store frame.

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 29, 2017 at 1:33pm PST

I'm often asked for my organizational secrets, and here's an important one: one load of laundry per day. Then you never get overwhelmed or have to stress about needing something that's not clean and dry. Related: train your kids to fold and properly put away their laundry at the earliest age possible. Next, accept the theory that if they wear slightly wrinkled clothes, or the same thing every third day because it's fresh out of the laundry, it is not a negative reflection on your parenting. Do you have a simple tip to keep your household organized? Baskets from @jyskbedbathhome #organization # efficiency #simplify

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 11, 2017 at 12:58pm PST

It's all in the details... #valentinesday

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 8:20am PST

Cleaned out the dining room hutch and decided it was time to start using the "good" cutlery every day, instead of hiding it away in a box for special occasions. Why not? Please note: it has been made very clear to children and husband that these forks and spoons are NOT for school lunches!

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 8:00am PST

Kindergarten Fun

I love when I don't have to reinvent the wheel! Great activities, including lots of open-ended ones, to support play-based learning in #kindergarten. Another worthwhile purchase from @mrsalbanesesclass's Teachers Pay Teachers store.

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 8, 2017 at 7:32am PST

Time for literacy fun!

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 19, 2017 at 10:22am PST

Fashion and Beauty

Everyone's allowed to be frivolous once in a while, right? After Claire Foy from @thecrownnetflix gave me #lipenvy, I bought this Pillow Plump from @soapandglory at @shoppersdrugmartofficial. First, when they say "you'll notice a bit of a buzz", they're not kidding. My lips were vibrating for minutes after application. However, there was a noticeable plumping effect. It was more a lightly padded bra, not a breast augmentation (to be clear, I'm still talking about lips, just trying to make a comparison) but for $25 I was happy with the purchase. Nice texture, scent and taste too. Still planning to look for the @buxomcosmetics plumper as recommended by @moplnd!

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 15, 2017 at 6:24am PST

I'm back on @thesocialctv on Thursday chatting about report cards, interviews and other mid-year topics! Thanks to @lechateau at Lansdowne Place for hooking me up with a great outfit! #fashion #style #outfit #tvlife

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Feb 4, 2017 at 10:31am PST

Family Moments

Producer/director/videographer Olivia is recording another episode of "Eva's Kitchen". (Thanks for the ingredients for Chocolate Overload Cookies, Grandma!)

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 12, 2017 at 2:32pm PST

What the girls and I are having for lunch today. I know what you're thinking: "How does she do it all???"

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 9:43am PST

Blogging

Waited for a discount and just ordered my 2016 blog book from Blog2Print for 25% off. Love having hard copies...just in case! I always put a photo of the girls from that year on the front, and a blogging highlight on the back. 7 years of blogging...can you believe it?

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 8:56am PST

If you're on Instagram, pop over and say hi - I love to follow real, interactive people!

Netflix: My Initiation, Plus Valentine's Day Recos!

Yes, I'm a Netflix newbie. And now a total convert.

My girls (now 10 and 8) loved Full House reruns so much that they spent months begging us to sign up for Netflix so they could watch the reboot, Fuller House. Early in 2016 we obliged, and signed up for a one month trial. They caught the first season of the show they were so excited about, and we caught up on House of Cards. We realized that to maintain the service we needed an upgrade to our Internet plan, so we let it expire...very reluctantly on my part. (My husband also had worries about the kids and the potential for too much screen time...I'll come back to that later.) I was even invited to join other bloggers and social media folk in the Netflix Stream Team (a coveted spot, I might say)...and declined! I know, wild, right?

After Christmas, when we had been reading and hearing everywhere about the new Netflix original series The Crown, I knew I had the argument I needed to convince my historical-drama-buff hubby that we should sign up again. (And of course the girls were wearing us down since season 2 of Fuller House was also available!)

I can't even begin to explain how much we loved binge-watching The Crown, a "fictual" series based on the young Queen Elizabeth II. I was actually sad when the season ended, and cannot wait for the next one. I will definitely be sharing more details about The Crown in the future, and as a matter of fact, it just so happens that I will be travelling to London this summer...I'm not sure if the cast will be filming at that point, but wouldn't you all to see a Momterview here with Claire Foy, who plays Queen Elizabeth II to perfection??

In January, I was thrilled to again receive the invitation to join the Stream Team, along with a generous start-up gift (shown above) and I committed to share valuable Netflix news here with you, and on my social media channels. You can look forward to my personal recommendations, as well as ideas for what the girls are watching as well.

For now, you may be thinking about Valentine's Day entertainment, and Netflix has you covered with some fantastic movies, all free with your subscription.

My top choices:

P.S. I Love You (with Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler; the Irish part of me especially enjoyed it)

Valentine's Day (the ensemble romantic comedy with more stars than I can list here)

Bridesmaids (please tell me I don't need to explain this one for you)

How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days (classic Kate Hudson/Matthew McConaughey romantic comedy)

Focus (with Will Smith and Margot Robbie, some fun twists)

Cinderella (the live-action with Lily James; you can watch this with the whole family)

As for our Internet plan, we did pay $10 per month to increase our data allowance (and we will never go over our max now) but we'd already saved over $20 month by eliminating some extra channels from our satellite plan, so financially it's still a win. (I would get rid of satellite entirely but still want the basic networks for my favourite news and talk shows, though I know I can also find them online. The time will come; I'm just not quite ready.)

As for the worry about too much screen time, what I find with the kids is now when they are allowed to watch something, it's specific - they choose Netflix in order to continue or rewatch a series they love or select a movie - and don't just get stuck with whatever happens to be playing on the TV at the moment they're granted permission. Same quantity of screen time, but better quality (and convenience). Thanks, Netflix!

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team, and receive products in exchange for my participation. Opinions are, as always, my own.

Teach Kids To Fight Germs #SDMFluFighters

Not long ago, I wrote an article for Parents Canada magazine all about teaching young kids not to spread germs. I interviewed a doctor - more specifically a pediatric infectious disease specialist - who said, "The number one way to reduce bacterial germs in any environment is to vaccinate your kids. Not only are they safe from those particular illnesses, but they also have less risk of developing infections from antibioticresistant superbugs."

So, assuming that your kids have been vaccinated (you all went to Shoppers Drug Mart for the flu shot this season, right?), here are some other ways to teach kids about germ-fighting. (I am writing this post at the end of a day when 12 of my 29 students were absent...so these are definitely concepts I'm sharing in the classroom as well!)

Whether we like it or not, kids quickly absorb information that comes to them through screens, and this great Germ Smart - Wash Your Hands video really engaged my students - and they were able to answer questions about it after. 






Picture books are a fantastic way to reinforce important concepts with little ones. A home daycare provider I know recommends Germs Are Not For Sharing by Elizabeth Verdick, and I also love Sid the Science Kid - The Trouble With Germs. 

For older kids interested in more advanced information, Achoo! The Most Interesting Book You'll Ever Read About Germs by Trudee Romanek really delves into the topic.

You can use songs to make germ-fighting more fun, for example by teaching kids to sing the ABCs once or the Happy Birthday song twice while they wash their hands (20 seconds is the recommended time frame), and if you want to take an extra step, you can buy a special gel that glows under UV light, showing kids what spots they missed after handwashing (usually under the fingernails and between the fingers).

The main points to stress with your children, aside from handwashing:

• Cough and sneeze into the elbow
• Use tissues (kids usually need explicit instruction on how to wipe or blow their noses)
• Keep hands away from the face

I enlisted Iylie, one of my incredible kindergarten artists, to create a piece of artwork to go with the topic of germs and handwashing - can you believe what she came up with? She presented it to the class, noting that it was abstract, with germs in the corner and a triangular sink in the middle. (I know, wow, right?)

I'd like to end with another great quote from the pediatric infectious disease specialist, who shared some words of wisdom for the antibacterial-obsessed parents out there:

"Stressing ourselves out by trying to decontaminate our environment is an exercise in futility.” She suggests being reasonable in terms of cleaning surfaces with soap and water, but not obsessing over it.

I wish you and your children good health throughout this flu season and beyond!

Disclosure: This post was generously sponsored by Shoppers Drug Mart. Opinions are, as always, my own.

Do You Tell Your Daughter She's Beautiful?

I have to say I disagree with all those experts in magazines and on talk shows who say we shouldn't tell our girls they're beautiful, or those moms who warn, "Don't tell my daughter she's pretty!"

A very important word for me, particularly after my switch to the kindergarten program this year, is balance. Yes to play-based learning, and yes to exploring letters and sounds. Yes to student interest, and yes to teacher professional judgment. Don't swing too far in one direction.

In this context, that means yes to telling girls that the inside is what counts, that their efforts and achievements in all other facets of life matter more than their looks, and yes to telling them that they're beautiful.

You know what? I think I'm beautiful. I mean it still takes me 20 tries and a great filter to get a selfie that I'm willing to post publicly, but in the way that it matters, I'm content with my appearance.

By superficial standards I'm pretty average looking, and was so as a child as well (with a significant dip from 1991-1994 but we don't need to talk about that). Based on magazine standards, I have tall, thin and white going for me (and there have been a couple of short-lived bonus-points blonde periods) but there are a lot of my physical features that wouldn't make the cover of a magazine. If print magazines really still existed. (And no, I'm not going to tell you what I think those subpar features are!)

So why do I believe I'm beautiful? Because my parents always told me I was. They gave me compliments about specific features (looking back, I think they both made a conscious effort not to mention weight, mine or theirs, as I grew up), as well as general comments about how pretty I was. (One of my mom's best friends always called me "pretty Katie" and I still have a soft spot for her.) They didn't even blink an eye at horribly mismatched outfits or ridiculous hairstyles (though my dad has always made it clear that my natural hair colour is best). I knew that they thought I looked just right. (Mom even thought I looked good with a tight, brushed out perm...which is why it was my hairstyle of choice for many pivotal years. Wait, am I thanking her for this?)

Just to be clear, they were also appropriately critical (you know what I mean, mom!) and kept me in my place in many ways. It was not a house of constant, empty praise, and I loved earning my parents' approval (I just used the past tense there as if somehow implying that has ended) for a huge range of reasons, somehow realizing that even though they consistently told me how beautiful I was, it mattered less than anything else.

Perhaps because I was blessed in other ways: academic success, involvement in drama and public speaking, an exceptional talent for athletics (ha ha; just put that in to see if anyone I went to school with - or, let's be honest, anyone who's ever met me - is reading), I didn't think looks were the be-all-and-end-all of life. That didn't mean I didn't want to look good.

I tell my girls (currently ten and eight) all the right things we are told to say these days, especially to instill a growth mindset, praising effort over fixed qualities (you studied so hard vs. you're so smart), and in our home school work and music are high priorities, and we greatly value our daughters' independence, creativity and compassion. That said, I'm not ashamed to admit that I also tell them regularly how beautiful they are. Olivia with her big eyes and what I call her Angelina Jolie lips, Eva with her kissable cheeks and infectious smile. (I'm not excessive; I don't compliment their clear skin or small waists - as adult women we know now what the years and hormones can do to some features.)

When discussing the accomplishments and talents of other women (and men) with my children, I'm also quick to point out a beautiful feature of someone who is black, Asian, red-haired, short, media-defined-plus-sized or in any other way different from my girls as well, to make sure that their definition of beauty remains as broad as possible.

While I often rolled my eyes as a child and threw out an accusing "You have to say that, you're my parents!" I needed and wanted them to tell me I was beautiful, and as with many aspects of parenting, I am following their lead.

I don't imagine that in our lifetimes first world humans will decide that outward appearance doesn't matter. I do, however, think we are in the middle of a movement - and can propel forward that movement - which redefines what outward beauty is. And it's not that it doesn't matter, it's just that everyone has it.

I promise if I teach your daughter, I will help shine light on the gifts she has, encourage her interests, and make her see the value of her efforts, both academic and social, to make her a better person and open up her world. But I warn you, I will also be telling her how beautiful she is on the inside...and the outside.

Gianna Martello: The Dance Moms Interview

If you're one of the millions of viewers who enjoys Lifetime's hit series Dance Moms, you're already familiar with world-renowned choreographer Gianna Martello - she's also an Instagram sensation, with over a million followers!

Dance Moms follows the training and careers of children in dance and show business under the tutelage of Abby Lee Miller. Martello has appeared on the show since Season 1, assisting Miller to choreograph the performances of the show’s stars such as Maddie Ziegler, Mackenzie Ziegler and Kendall Vertes. Season 7 is currently airing on Lifetime.

Martello has been choreographing routines for the Abby Lee Dance Company (ALDC) since she was 16 years old. She has been a part of the faculty at the ALDC for 11 years, and has been a guest instructor and judge around the world on competition circuits. Her award-winning routines have earned her regional and national titles, as well as overall awards and choreography awards.

While my daughters are more focused on the singing and acting aspects of their triple threat status, they do love to dance - though you don't see a lot of Irish stepdancing on Dance Moms!

I was thrilled to have a a chance to toss a few questions at Gianna on behalf of dance moms (and dads everywhere!

Why do you think dance lessons are so valuable for young kids?

I think dance teaches you more than just steps and routines. Dance teaches you how to listen and take direction. It teaches you how to work hard at something that may not come easy to you. Dance helps with your posture, it teaches you balance and coordination of your arms and legs. Every young kid needs all of those things!

What advice would you give parents who have children involved in competitive dance?

It can be really good for some kids and not for others. I was a competitive dancer all my life. I was not always first overall, and sometimes for parents and kids who are really competitive, that’s not good enough. My parents knew I loved it so much that they let me continue through until I graduated but if it gets too serious it may not be healthy for every family. (It's also really expensive!)

Do you have any specific tips for parents of boys who are passionate about dance? Is it more difficult for them to pursue, or do you think both sexes are welcomed in the field now?

I think it’s AWESOME for boys to dance. I think some of the best dancers and choreographers are guys. Sometimes it can be difficult for some boys because it’s not the norm. I can remember dancing with boys that got made fun of in school, but when they were in the dance world they were getting double the amount of praise a girl dancer would get. As much as I hate to admit, I still think that boys are getting bullied for their passion for the arts from the outside, but once you get to the dance world they are SO welcomed!

Do you think there are any misconceptions out there about Dance Moms - in terms of the dance competitions, the reality show aspect, etc.?

I think there are a ton of misconceptions about Dance Moms -- I could go on for days! I don't think people realize how hard the cast works. It is NOTHING like regular competition dance. Normally, a dancer would learn and rehearse a solo or group routine for months; we learn and rehearse in about 2 days of filming. They have to compete against kids that have rehearsed so many hours longer and try to beat them. People also don't get that it is a television show so the drama is more explosive than normal, however I did grow up in a group with some crazy dance moms. Also we film SO many hours that you don't see, so when you all think everything is negative and bad, you don't get to see the good stuff, you just see the 5 minutes that were really bad.

Have you learned anything through this experience that would impact you if you have kids in the future who want to get involved in dance?

I obviously want my kid to be a dancer. I come from a long line of dancers. If it’s not what he or she wants then we will try a different route because it’s obviously not for everyone -- but FINGERS CROSSED!

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Thanks so much for taking the time to share! Take a look at Gianna in action here:

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