"Walk in Their Shows": Bond With Kids Over What They're Watching

Not long ago, I had promised Eva that I would take her to see a movie at the theatre on a day that Liv was going to visit a friend. When I woke up that Sunday morning, what I really wanted to do was spend the day at home, however I didn't want to bail on my promise. So I gave her the choice:

"Do you want to go see the movie, or should we choose something on Netflix and cuddle on the couch together?" (Yes, the use of "cuddle" was pretty sneaky...she loves her snuggles and you can't do that the same in the movie theatre!)

Her response? "Let's stay home! We can pick whatever we want to watch, and it saves a lot of money too!" (Smart, right?)

One of the best things about that afternoon was being able to talk to her about what we were watching, and even pause the movie to answer her questions and ask some of my own. (She chose Maleficent, by the way.) Some questions were technical (about special effects or movie-making tidbits), or about plot points, but we also had some great discussions about the characters and their choices.

The girls are really into Heartland right now, and while my husband teases them, "I don't see any nine or eleven-year-olds on this show!", they counter that it was recommended to them by their Great Grandma, and therefore must be appropriate. It is, but many of the storylines are adult-based, and also lead to good conversations about relationships (how do you decide when you want to marry someone?), finance (why you can't just buy a farm on a whim), and responsibility (lots of that required when working with horses and other livestock).

While I can't always focus for long on children's shows (let's just say Lego Friends is another favourite in the house), and if I'm being completely honest, sometimes I'm planning a lesson or blog post in my head while nodding along to the episode retells my children excitedly offer me, I also try my hardest to remember this famous quote:

As my kids are getting older, I'm actually finding that we can watch more programs together that we enjoy, but it's even valuable to watch the same shows - at different times - to spark discussions later.

As Netflix tells us:

"You may not always understand your teen or tween. In fact, 70% of parents worldwide wish they had more to talk about with them. A recent Netflix study reveals a new place where you can find common ground: Entertainment. Canadian parents (82%) are already watching teen shows to feel closer to them and teens around the world (74%) are on board, saying they’d be interested in talking to parents about the shows they watch. With the majority (89%) of Canadian parents agreeing entertainment would give them something to talk about, let Netflix be the common ground and try taking a walk in your kid's shows."

P.S. An unrelated Netflix note - as this one is not for the kids - but Season 5 of House of Cards hits Netflix May 30th!

Disclosure: I am part of the Netflix Stream Team, and receive perks for my participation.

How To Handle Online Negativity

I have officially made it. I now receive mean tweets.

Now, that's not to say I've never faced any negativity as a blogger before.

On a couple of occasions over the years I have been called to task because I didn't ask tough enough questions of my celebrity interviewees (for example, about political/religious beliefs that don't mesh with mine, or about alleged indiscretions of theirs), but I explained that I keep things light here (the blog is called "This Mom Loves" after all). Most of those commenters at least made their point in a respectful way, they just disagreed with how I handled something, which is their right.

There have also been a few other incidents here and there, but when someone insults you publicly you don't necessarily want to relive it by sharing it with your readers after the fact.

Lately, things seem to have picked up. Just hours after one of my appearances on The Social, someone sent several very critical tweets about the way I spoke...from an anonymous account with an egg for a profile photo, of course. The account had just been set up and those were the only tweets, leading me to believe that someone created an account strictly for the purpose of hurting me. Classy, right?

A couple of promoted Facebook campaigns have also been interesting. When sharing a contest for a drug store, there were several "Scam alert!" comments, as well as a few, "If it's really {pharmacy name} running this contest, why is it on your page and not theirs?" Well, because that's how blog campaigns work. While these sorts of (paranoid) comments are really no big deal, I still don't appreciate my integrity being called into question. (And really, it's a sad commentary on our society that people have to be on such high scam alert.)

I also worked with a razor company and shared a Facebook post for their brand. Do you have any idea how passionate women are about shaving (or not shaving)? I mean, sure, leave a critique of the product if you want. But the fact that I shared shaving safety tips with my daughter led one commenter to launch a full attack on my parenting, my messed up idea of beauty, and the fact that I am raising my daughters to judge others by an unattainable standard. (Several others came to my defense, and the woman later apologized, explaining that she thought it was an ad. Which it was. Marked with #ad. But I'm still a real person.)

The biggest question for me as I navigate all of this is how to respond to the negativity. I turned to my much-more-famous-than-I-am friend Cynthia Loyst, co-host of The Social and creator of FindYourPleasure.com for her philosophy:

"When it comes to negative comments, there have been times I have blocked, times I have ignored and times I have responded and engaged.  But then I came to the realization that I would much rather spend my time and energy focusing on the positive comments, rather than the snarly ones. The people who leave awful words are generally miserable - why should anyone waste their energy on that? As a wise person once said: don't feed the trolls. 

Oh and one more thing: sometimes I try to find the humour in it. There is a lot of power in humour so rather than getting upset, when I can see the comments as something ridiculously funny, it immediately takes the sting away. Sometimes it's good to just lighten up. Life is way too short to be bothered by the words of someone you don't know nor care about."

There are some who choose to look on the bright side, like writer Alicia McAuley who recently shared this tweet:

Reached a professional milestone today: angry men leaving shitty comments on my work. Must be doing something right! https://t.co/oSmP1PxphG

— Alicia McAuley (@aliciamcauley) April 10, 2017

I've seen Cheryl Hickey, host of ET Canada, use the "kill 'em with kindness" approach, replying to mean tweets with things like, "I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad day," or "I hope your day gets better!", responses which always make me smile. Engaging, yet defusing. Because really, you're never going to make a hater see something your way. (And Cheryl is likely on the right track - someone who is truly happy would not feel a need to bring someone down that way.)

If we want to go really high-profile, we can take a cue from superstar Jennifer Lopez, who told Glamour magazine:

"I always joke about letting the haters motivate you. Everybody has that in their life, people who doubt them or make them feel less than they are. It just takes faith and belief in yourself, and you’ve got to dig deep into that. That has to come from you—nobody’s going to give you that."

As for my own haters, while my instinct in the moment is often to reply to them in my own defense, I have seen much better results by just letting it go (and blocking when necessary).

Even people who aren't officially in the public eye still receive mean responses to what they share on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and beyond. Has this happened to you? What do you think the best philosophy is?

New York City Travel Highlights

I am often asked what my favourite travel destination has been, and while I love the sunny south, and have had a wonderful time in many Canadian and American cities, my heart always goes back to NYC.

My husband and I spent a fantastic few days there (we traveled one August) and I have incredibly fond memories. Please check out the links to highlights of our three days in New York City, including a thisclose Julia Roberts sighting and a photo op with Regis and Kelly (yes, that says Regis - it was not a recent trip!)

New York City Day 1 (Central Park, Sex and the City Tour, Movie Premiere/Julia Roberts Sighting)

New York City Day 2 (Regis and Kelly, Top of the Rock, NYC Public Library, Empire State Building, Wicked)

New York City Day 3 (9/11 Memorial, Brooklyn Bridge, Circle Line Cruise)

A random note for my Peterborough area friends: did you know Stewart Tours is running charters from the Peterborough Airport, including a 4-day April trip to NYC (with an air-only price of $399 + taxes, or an air and hotel package for $1199 plus taxes)? This isn't sponsored - just wanted to share a great deal!

Girl Power, Netflix Style

Studies have shown that girls as young as six are influenced by gender stereotypes, and that role models from the entertainment they choose can have a lasting effect. On this note, and in honour of International Women's Day earlier this month, I'm sharing my girls' (and my) Netflix choices for favourite role-model female characters.

First, my eight-year-old daughter Eva's choices:

• McKeyla McAlister from Project MC2, because she's a spy who works for a secret organization trying to save the world, and she always puts her friends and family first. 
• Amy Fleming from Heartland, because she works with horses and got in an accident saving one, and she has never given up working with them even though it's dangerous.
• DJ Fuller from Fuller House, because she's not afraid to try new things and she's taking care of her kids after her husband died.

Next up: 11-year-old Olivia:

• DJ Tanner from Full House, because she goes through a lot of hardships but she always perseveres and teaches lessons to the kids who are watching.
• The twins from The Parent Trap, because they're clever and tricky and willing to do anything to get their parents back together and make their family happy.
• Annabeth Chase from Percy Jackson because she is courageous and faces danger to help accomplish good things in the world.

As an adult, I'm always looking for stereotypes on screen, and and asking myself questions about choices made in terms of characters and casting.

When tons of Facebook followers recommended that I watch Suits on Netflix, I immediately noticed that the two main characters were white men (excellent actors in well-written characters) but was also pleased to see that women, and actors of other colours, were also represented and well-developed. (P.S. March Break has given me the opportunity to *almost* get caught up on Suits.)

Embed from Getty Images

I also have come to love Carrie Mathison of Homeland (played by Claire Danes) - a very strong character, though well-rounded with her own vulnerabilities (it's okay - actually ideal - to show authentic female vulnerability on screen, as long as the ladies aren't all, or always, damsels in distress!)

Who are your kids' (or your) favourite strong female characters on Netflix? Let me know!

Disclosure: I am provided with perks as a member of the Netflix Stream Team. Opinions are, as always, my own.

March Break Wish List

This post is sponsored by Bayer. To make sure these products are right for you, always read and follow the label.

Our March Break this year is shaping up to be a much-appreciated staycation. We work hard (and by "we", I also mean my girls, 10 and 8) and I know we're very excited to slow things down for a week. (I'm particularly looking forward to turning off my alarm!)

Today I'm sharing with you what's on my wish list for a perfect March Break:

• Great reading material. I love my psychological thrillers and celebrity memoirs, so you can bet I'll be devouring some of these over the break. I've also been a magazine lover since I could read (and my aunt let me read her Teen magazines), and while I still keep a couple of hard-copy subscriptions, I love the Texture app for reading a huge range of magazines on my tablet. I hope to get all caught up before the holidays are over! It's also important to model a love of reading for kids, so I definitely plan to cuddle up on the couch with my girls and a whole pile of books. (One already takes after me, with her nose constantly in a book, and let's just say the other takes after her father!)

• A night on the town. After weeks of cooking from a box or can or hitting the drive-thru (hey, I'm keeping it real, here!) I'd love a nice restaurant meal and night out with my hubby (I'm thinking prime rib and garlic mashed potatoes...) It will be fun to pull out a nice dress and heels (which I don't wear teaching kindergarten), and I definitely plan to make use of my Dr. Scholl’s® For Her™ , with several slim-fitting insole and cushioning options to fit different kinds of heels and flats, so that I don't have to suffer for fashion with foot pain! (If you're lucky enough to be going out of town for a break, make sure to throw these in your suitcase too!)

• A clutter-free home. Yes, I am a bit obsessed with this. I really do believe that things go better for me when I have my house in order, and March Break will give me the chance to do some extra spring cleaning (though there are very few areas yet untouched by my urge to purge!) We recently scaled back on our board games collection, which was perfect timing leading up to our staycation, and I am actually excited about going through a box of electronic odds-and-ends and continuing to curate my clothing collection. To each her own, right?

• Heat. I know, I will be in Canada in March so this is highly unlikely, but I do have a lovely fireplace! As happy as I am to be staying home for the break, I have to admit that part of me is wishing we were heading south (as we have a couple of times before) for some sun and sand. If your break is taking you somewhere sunny, even if it's just the great Canadian outdoors, remember the sunscreen. I wear it year-round - even though I'm the least outdoorsy gal you could meet! Coppertone ClearlySheer SPF 50 and Coppertone Kids Sunscreen Lotion SPF 60 filter UVA and UVB rays to help provide sunburn protection. ClearlySheer feels weightless on your skin, won’t clog pores or cause breakouts (I only use sunscreen with these qualities now), and works great under makeup. The Kids Lotion is waterproof*, so it’s ideal for water-loving kids. If you’re headed to the beach (lucky you!), remember that reapplying is just as important as putting on in the first place, so reapply at least every two hours, or after being in the water. (*Retains SPF after 80 minutes of activity in the water or sweating.)

• A little bit of Ireland. My husband and I both come from Irish roots, and live in a very Irish community, so no March Break is complete without the wearing of the green for St. Patrick's Day. We will also be taking in the local Irish Concert, and my girls have been practicing all of their favourite tunes in anticipation. I'd like to leave you with a little taste of Ireland: my daughter Olivia rehearsing the song Danny Boy. Enjoy, and whether it's a vacay or a staycay, I hope you have a wonderful March Break!

This post is sponsored by Bayer. To make sure these products are right for you, always read and follow the label.

Kate's Favourite Things - March 2017

My top picks of the month:

BOOKS

The Best Kind of People by Zoe Whittall

Canadian writer Whittall tells the story of a family impacted by an accusation of sexual assault. (Note that the experiences are more about the effects on the family members than they are about the alleged crimes.)

Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick

With lots of Hollywood-insider bits tempered by self-deprecation, this was a great read - and the girl is pretty funny.

Swimming Lessons by Claire Fuller

From the publisher: "In this spine-tingling tale Ingrid Coleman writes letters to her husband, Gil, about the truth of their marriage, but she never sends them. Instead she hides them within the thousands of books her husband has collected. After she writes her final letter, Ingrid disappears.

Twelve years later, her adult daughter, Flora comes home to look after her injured father. Secretly, Flora has never believed her mother is dead, and she starts asking questions, without realizing that the answers she’s looking for are hidden in the books that surround her."

MOVIE

A Dog's Purpose

The girls really liked this movie (though we all cried a lot!) and were particularly impressed that years ago I was in a play in Peterborough with Gabrielle Rose, who has a small role in the film. It also sparked a great conversation because after the movie (the premise of which is that a dog is reincarnated many times over) one of my daughters said, "I don't want to come back in another life!" and I explained to her that we (as Catholics) actually don't believe that we do. Entertainment and a religion lesson all in one!

TV

We caught up on Homeland on Netflix (now anxiously awaiting new seasons) and I'm three quarters through Suits, which I am still loving! Now what should I watch next?!

Netflix Cheating: Are You Guilty?

I feel like Jennifer Reid (wife of singer Johnny Reid) found the perfect Valentine this year:

Like I was saying, I like to find gifts and cards specific to the person or occasion. So @johnnyreidofficial, my search for the perfect Valentine's Day ❤️card ends here. Card | @farewellpaperie Available at | @silversteerandco

A post shared by 🌟ᴊᴇɴɴɪғᴇʀ ʀᴇɪᴅ🌟 (@therealhousewifeofjohnnyreid) on Feb 7, 2017 at 6:18am PST

Would you be angry at your partner if he (or she) watched the next Netflix episode without you? Are you guilty of sneaking in an episode or two yourself? For shame!

A recent survey showed that 46% of global Netflix viewers are guilty of streaming behind their partner's backs, compared to 37% in Canada - not a shocker that we're nicer than the international average, right?

I have to say I'm glad hubby was on holidays when we started watching The Crown, because if he had the excuse of work to slow down our binge-watch I just may have had to continue without him. Speaking of this awesome Netflix original, I can't wait to interview Claire Foy when I'm in London in July. (No, that's not a real thing, I'm just trying the whole put-it-out-into-the-universe theory...maybe it will come true.)

When looking for a new Netflix series, I asked my Facebook followers whether we should go with Suits or Homeland. The overwhelming response was Suits, so we dove in. At first we were both loving it, but once my husband said, "Go ahead and watch the next one without me," I knew we were in trouble. (This happened many times in the days of PVRing shows, and it always meant that he had lost interest in the show and I would be watching it alone for the rest of the series.)

Now I can continue with Suits guilt-free (and I'm still enjoying it, especially with the filmed-in-Toronto and girlfriend-of-Prince-Harry connections), but we did also start Homeland, which was much more appealing to my husband, so I wait to watch every episode with him. I swear.

Now, admit it...are you a Netflix cheater? Or maybe you're a victim who doesn't even know it. There must be a support group for that.

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team and receive swag and perks as part of my membership. Opinions are, as always, my own.

My Latest Segment on The Social: The Mid-Year Check-In!

It's the halfway mark of the school year, and I was back at The Social to share information about report cards and parent/teacher interviews.

This time my mom was my date - and I think she really enjoyed a behind-the-scenes look at how the show operates.

Thanks to Le Chateau for again hooking me up with a gorgeous outfit (yes, that's a dress, and yes, those are pockets!) as well as the shoes, earrings and bracelets. Hair is by Andrea Zarlenga and makeup by Stephanie Cruz (who, coincidentally, was headed to a parent/teacher interview for her child that very afternoon!)

This time I was chatting with Cynthia Loyst and Marci Ien, and as always, the hosts were warm, supportive and positive - even those who weren't in the segment (Lainey was very kind afterwards, and Jess told me it was my best segment yet. Which she has said before, so either she's just always super kind or I keep improving!)

Video of the segment can be found below. I say this every time, but please know how much I appreciate the support I receive from you, whether in person, through email/text or over social media. It never gets old!

Meanwhile, On Kate's Instagram...

While I still love to delve into topics here on the blog, I also do a lot of "microblogging" on social media. I have the most followers on Twitter, but I'm finding almost zero interaction there lately (is it just me?) so I post a lot to Facebook and Instagram, where my followers seem much more supportive and "like-happy".

I realized, though, that readers who aren't on Instagram are missing out on some of my meaningful moments, so I thought I'd provide some highlights here - just from posts I've shared so far in 2017.

I microblog about...

Decor and Organization

Art idea: a framed family recipe This one is my late Grandma Leahy's, in her handwriting, with a sheet of scrapbook paper for a mat in a dollar store frame.

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 29, 2017 at 1:33pm PST

I'm often asked for my organizational secrets, and here's an important one: one load of laundry per day. Then you never get overwhelmed or have to stress about needing something that's not clean and dry. Related: train your kids to fold and properly put away their laundry at the earliest age possible. Next, accept the theory that if they wear slightly wrinkled clothes, or the same thing every third day because it's fresh out of the laundry, it is not a negative reflection on your parenting. Do you have a simple tip to keep your household organized? Baskets from @jyskbedbathhome #organization # efficiency #simplify

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 11, 2017 at 12:58pm PST

It's all in the details... #valentinesday

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 8:20am PST

Cleaned out the dining room hutch and decided it was time to start using the "good" cutlery every day, instead of hiding it away in a box for special occasions. Why not? Please note: it has been made very clear to children and husband that these forks and spoons are NOT for school lunches!

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 8:00am PST

Kindergarten Fun

I love when I don't have to reinvent the wheel! Great activities, including lots of open-ended ones, to support play-based learning in #kindergarten. Another worthwhile purchase from @mrsalbanesesclass's Teachers Pay Teachers store.

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 8, 2017 at 7:32am PST

Time for literacy fun!

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 19, 2017 at 10:22am PST

Fashion and Beauty

Everyone's allowed to be frivolous once in a while, right? After Claire Foy from @thecrownnetflix gave me #lipenvy, I bought this Pillow Plump from @soapandglory at @shoppersdrugmartofficial. First, when they say "you'll notice a bit of a buzz", they're not kidding. My lips were vibrating for minutes after application. However, there was a noticeable plumping effect. It was more a lightly padded bra, not a breast augmentation (to be clear, I'm still talking about lips, just trying to make a comparison) but for $25 I was happy with the purchase. Nice texture, scent and taste too. Still planning to look for the @buxomcosmetics plumper as recommended by @moplnd!

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 15, 2017 at 6:24am PST

I'm back on @thesocialctv on Thursday chatting about report cards, interviews and other mid-year topics! Thanks to @lechateau at Lansdowne Place for hooking me up with a great outfit! #fashion #style #outfit #tvlife

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Feb 4, 2017 at 10:31am PST

Family Moments

Producer/director/videographer Olivia is recording another episode of "Eva's Kitchen". (Thanks for the ingredients for Chocolate Overload Cookies, Grandma!)

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 12, 2017 at 2:32pm PST

What the girls and I are having for lunch today. I know what you're thinking: "How does she do it all???"

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 9:43am PST

Blogging

Waited for a discount and just ordered my 2016 blog book from Blog2Print for 25% off. Love having hard copies...just in case! I always put a photo of the girls from that year on the front, and a blogging highlight on the back. 7 years of blogging...can you believe it?

A photo posted by Kate Winn (@katethismomloves) on Jan 22, 2017 at 8:56am PST

If you're on Instagram, pop over and say hi - I love to follow real, interactive people!

Netflix: My Initiation, Plus Valentine's Day Recos!

Yes, I'm a Netflix newbie. And now a total convert.

My girls (now 10 and 8) loved Full House reruns so much that they spent months begging us to sign up for Netflix so they could watch the reboot, Fuller House. Early in 2016 we obliged, and signed up for a one month trial. They caught the first season of the show they were so excited about, and we caught up on House of Cards. We realized that to maintain the service we needed an upgrade to our Internet plan, so we let it expire...very reluctantly on my part. (My husband also had worries about the kids and the potential for too much screen time...I'll come back to that later.) I was even invited to join other bloggers and social media folk in the Netflix Stream Team (a coveted spot, I might say)...and declined! I know, wild, right?

After Christmas, when we had been reading and hearing everywhere about the new Netflix original series The Crown, I knew I had the argument I needed to convince my historical-drama-buff hubby that we should sign up again. (And of course the girls were wearing us down since season 2 of Fuller House was also available!)

I can't even begin to explain how much we loved binge-watching The Crown, a "fictual" series based on the young Queen Elizabeth II. I was actually sad when the season ended, and cannot wait for the next one. I will definitely be sharing more details about The Crown in the future, and as a matter of fact, it just so happens that I will be travelling to London this summer...I'm not sure if the cast will be filming at that point, but wouldn't you all to see a Momterview here with Claire Foy, who plays Queen Elizabeth II to perfection??

In January, I was thrilled to again receive the invitation to join the Stream Team, along with a generous start-up gift (shown above) and I committed to share valuable Netflix news here with you, and on my social media channels. You can look forward to my personal recommendations, as well as ideas for what the girls are watching as well.

For now, you may be thinking about Valentine's Day entertainment, and Netflix has you covered with some fantastic movies, all free with your subscription.

My top choices:

P.S. I Love You (with Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler; the Irish part of me especially enjoyed it)

Valentine's Day (the ensemble romantic comedy with more stars than I can list here)

Bridesmaids (please tell me I don't need to explain this one for you)

How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days (classic Kate Hudson/Matthew McConaughey romantic comedy)

Focus (with Will Smith and Margot Robbie, some fun twists)

Cinderella (the live-action with Lily James; you can watch this with the whole family)

As for our Internet plan, we did pay $10 per month to increase our data allowance (and we will never go over our max now) but we'd already saved over $20 month by eliminating some extra channels from our satellite plan, so financially it's still a win. (I would get rid of satellite entirely but still want the basic networks for my favourite news and talk shows, though I know I can also find them online. The time will come; I'm just not quite ready.)

As for the worry about too much screen time, what I find with the kids is now when they are allowed to watch something, it's specific - they choose Netflix in order to continue or rewatch a series they love or select a movie - and don't just get stuck with whatever happens to be playing on the TV at the moment they're granted permission. Same quantity of screen time, but better quality (and convenience). Thanks, Netflix!

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team, and receive products in exchange for my participation. Opinions are, as always, my own.

Kate's Favourite Things - February 2017

January was a busy month around here but I have four great titles to recommend today!

What She Knew by Gilly MacMillan

This was one of the best books I've read in a long time, in my favourite suspense/thriller genre. A missing boy, a frantic mother and a multitude of suspects. Excellent read.

The Perfect Girl by Gilly MacMillan

Because once I discover a great writer, I have to read another one of her books! I had no idea who the murderer really was in this multiple-perspectives novel. Random point: I noted with interest that the British author used the word "posh" twice in a less than flattering context, making me question whether or not I chose to identify with the right Spice Girl in my childhood. In my defense, she seems to have done well for herself. (And I am not spicy, sporty, scary or a baby so my options were limited.)

Faithful by Alice Hoffman

Responsible for a tragedy, Shelby Richmond's life is changed forever. This is the story of how she (eventually) tries to get it back. While I won't tell you which character is being referred to in the following quote, I will tell you that it made me close my book and have a little cry - as a daughter and as a mother - before resuming my read:

"She doesn't have a mother anymore. There's no one to whom she's the most important person in the world."

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

This autobiography of a neurosurgeon's battle with lung cancer was on almost every must-read list last year and I finally got around to it. I wasn't disappointed.

(Please note that I am a Chapters Indigo Affiliate and receive a small fee for sales made through links on my site.)

Do You Tell Your Daughter She's Beautiful?

I have to say I disagree with all those experts in magazines and on talk shows who say we shouldn't tell our girls they're beautiful, or those moms who warn, "Don't tell my daughter she's pretty!"

A very important word for me, particularly after my switch to the kindergarten program this year, is balance. Yes to play-based learning, and yes to exploring letters and sounds. Yes to student interest, and yes to teacher professional judgment. Don't swing too far in one direction.

In this context, that means yes to telling girls that the inside is what counts, that their efforts and achievements in all other facets of life matter more than their looks, and yes to telling them that they're beautiful.

You know what? I think I'm beautiful. I mean it still takes me 20 tries and a great filter to get a selfie that I'm willing to post publicly, but in the way that it matters, I'm content with my appearance.

By superficial standards I'm pretty average looking, and was so as a child as well (with a significant dip from 1991-1994 but we don't need to talk about that). Based on magazine standards, I have tall, thin and white going for me (and there have been a couple of short-lived bonus-points blonde periods) but there are a lot of my physical features that wouldn't make the cover of a magazine. If print magazines really still existed. (And no, I'm not going to tell you what I think those subpar features are!)

So why do I believe I'm beautiful? Because my parents always told me I was. They gave me compliments about specific features (looking back, I think they both made a conscious effort not to mention weight, mine or theirs, as I grew up), as well as general comments about how pretty I was. (One of my mom's best friends always called me "pretty Katie" and I still have a soft spot for her.) They didn't even blink an eye at horribly mismatched outfits or ridiculous hairstyles (though my dad has always made it clear that my natural hair colour is best). I knew that they thought I looked just right. (Mom even thought I looked good with a tight, brushed out perm...which is why it was my hairstyle of choice for many pivotal years. Wait, am I thanking her for this?)

Just to be clear, they were also appropriately critical (you know what I mean, mom!) and kept me in my place in many ways. It was not a house of constant, empty praise, and I loved earning my parents' approval (I just used the past tense there as if somehow implying that has ended) for a huge range of reasons, somehow realizing that even though they consistently told me how beautiful I was, it mattered less than anything else.

Perhaps because I was blessed in other ways: academic success, involvement in drama and public speaking, an exceptional talent for athletics (ha ha; just put that in to see if anyone I went to school with - or, let's be honest, anyone who's ever met me - is reading), I didn't think looks were the be-all-and-end-all of life. That didn't mean I didn't want to look good.

I tell my girls (currently ten and eight) all the right things we are told to say these days, especially to instill a growth mindset, praising effort over fixed qualities (you studied so hard vs. you're so smart), and in our home school work and music are high priorities, and we greatly value our daughters' independence, creativity and compassion. That said, I'm not ashamed to admit that I also tell them regularly how beautiful they are. Olivia with her big eyes and what I call her Angelina Jolie lips, Eva with her kissable cheeks and infectious smile. (I'm not excessive; I don't compliment their clear skin or small waists - as adult women we know now what the years and hormones can do to some features.)

When discussing the accomplishments and talents of other women (and men) with my children, I'm also quick to point out a beautiful feature of someone who is black, Asian, red-haired, short, media-defined-plus-sized or in any other way different from my girls as well, to make sure that their definition of beauty remains as broad as possible.

While I often rolled my eyes as a child and threw out an accusing "You have to say that, you're my parents!" I needed and wanted them to tell me I was beautiful, and as with many aspects of parenting, I am following their lead.

I don't imagine that in our lifetimes first world humans will decide that outward appearance doesn't matter. I do, however, think we are in the middle of a movement - and can propel forward that movement - which redefines what outward beauty is. And it's not that it doesn't matter, it's just that everyone has it.

I promise if I teach your daughter, I will help shine light on the gifts she has, encourage her interests, and make her see the value of her efforts, both academic and social, to make her a better person and open up her world. But I warn you, I will also be telling her how beautiful she is on the inside...and the outside.

Gianna Martello: The Dance Moms Interview

If you're one of the millions of viewers who enjoys Lifetime's hit series Dance Moms, you're already familiar with world-renowned choreographer Gianna Martello - she's also an Instagram sensation, with over a million followers!

Dance Moms follows the training and careers of children in dance and show business under the tutelage of Abby Lee Miller. Martello has appeared on the show since Season 1, assisting Miller to choreograph the performances of the show’s stars such as Maddie Ziegler, Mackenzie Ziegler and Kendall Vertes. Season 7 is currently airing on Lifetime.

Martello has been choreographing routines for the Abby Lee Dance Company (ALDC) since she was 16 years old. She has been a part of the faculty at the ALDC for 11 years, and has been a guest instructor and judge around the world on competition circuits. Her award-winning routines have earned her regional and national titles, as well as overall awards and choreography awards.

While my daughters are more focused on the singing and acting aspects of their triple threat status, they do love to dance - though you don't see a lot of Irish stepdancing on Dance Moms!

I was thrilled to have a a chance to toss a few questions at Gianna on behalf of dance moms (and dads everywhere!

Why do you think dance lessons are so valuable for young kids?

I think dance teaches you more than just steps and routines. Dance teaches you how to listen and take direction. It teaches you how to work hard at something that may not come easy to you. Dance helps with your posture, it teaches you balance and coordination of your arms and legs. Every young kid needs all of those things!

What advice would you give parents who have children involved in competitive dance?

It can be really good for some kids and not for others. I was a competitive dancer all my life. I was not always first overall, and sometimes for parents and kids who are really competitive, that’s not good enough. My parents knew I loved it so much that they let me continue through until I graduated but if it gets too serious it may not be healthy for every family. (It's also really expensive!)

Do you have any specific tips for parents of boys who are passionate about dance? Is it more difficult for them to pursue, or do you think both sexes are welcomed in the field now?

I think it’s AWESOME for boys to dance. I think some of the best dancers and choreographers are guys. Sometimes it can be difficult for some boys because it’s not the norm. I can remember dancing with boys that got made fun of in school, but when they were in the dance world they were getting double the amount of praise a girl dancer would get. As much as I hate to admit, I still think that boys are getting bullied for their passion for the arts from the outside, but once you get to the dance world they are SO welcomed!

Do you think there are any misconceptions out there about Dance Moms - in terms of the dance competitions, the reality show aspect, etc.?

I think there are a ton of misconceptions about Dance Moms -- I could go on for days! I don't think people realize how hard the cast works. It is NOTHING like regular competition dance. Normally, a dancer would learn and rehearse a solo or group routine for months; we learn and rehearse in about 2 days of filming. They have to compete against kids that have rehearsed so many hours longer and try to beat them. People also don't get that it is a television show so the drama is more explosive than normal, however I did grow up in a group with some crazy dance moms. Also we film SO many hours that you don't see, so when you all think everything is negative and bad, you don't get to see the good stuff, you just see the 5 minutes that were really bad.

Have you learned anything through this experience that would impact you if you have kids in the future who want to get involved in dance?

I obviously want my kid to be a dancer. I come from a long line of dancers. If it’s not what he or she wants then we will try a different route because it’s obviously not for everyone -- but FINGERS CROSSED!

************

Thanks so much for taking the time to share! Take a look at Gianna in action here:

Follow Gianna Martello on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.